So I am so angry right now and I cannot aim it at the person I want to at this time. So this past weekend, I was in crisis and destroyed some old clothes and pillows with a knife, smashed a watermelon, and dropped a 20lb weight/plate through my 3-1 printer. This all came from the pressure I was under, me being unable to keep myself calm, and missing out on meds completely since my last post (20ish days ago). Before I even did this I sent my three children and two kittens upstairs with snacks, TV, and my oldest with his phone.
Now before I even took the route of destroying things, I called both the twins’ father and my 11 y/o son’s father and told them to get the kids or I had to call the state/911. I even tried venting to my sister. The twins’ dad, being the asshole he is, told me “well you better call the governor.” That’s what lead to the the destruction instead of me being able to ground myself. His joke was what sent me completely over the edge because I was in crisis and he was joking about it. Eventually when I found myself no longer destroying stuff, but still hyperventilating, panicking, and still in crisis, I called 911.
They arrived and did all they could to calm me, but I went into a semi-catatonic state where I could hear everything around me, but no more than that. I could not move, I could not see very well (everything was blurry), and I could barely speak. He walked into my home after the cops and paramedics arrived and hollered “What the fuck, Keisha!” as if I had damaged his home (which it is not by any means). The paramedics and cops both said “wooooaah, we don’t need that right now so quiet down or leave.”
He then pretended like he was concerned. Now while I was in the Crisis Stabilization Unit/ER. I called my mom and she told me how children services was called, but only for two of my three children. This asshole called Children Services on me and told them I was unfit to care for our children. Now before anyone say I am making assumptions, this man has tried to have police remove my children from my home after he started and altercation and then called the cops on me. He’s also told me he was not getting a legitimate job because he’s not paying child support for his five (yes, 5) children. I’ve had to put food in his mother’s house and always make sure they have every little thing they need so that she (NOT HIM) can watch them while I work or when they are supposed to be spending time with him.
I don’t understand why he keeps trying to backstab me when I’ve given him money when I didn’t have to, kept secrets of illegal things he has been doing and so on and so forth. I’ve never given him a hard time about our children. No the social worker did not tell my mother and me who called, but he’s the only on who could give my new number to children’s services. He’s the only one who came into my home while the police was there, he gave my mom and hard time and she knew it was him because he is the only one who calls her V* Mitchell (which is what children services called her), and as I stated it was only about the twins, not my 11 y/o. I don’t understand why I’ve done so much for him and this is what I get in return when he knows my children is my only reason for living and making it this far.