First, it seem I have been getting violent thoughts of hurting my friends, Fanasty of being the shit out people, spread damaging romurs, verbally abuse mentaly and just hurting people. It honestly sometime come out of no where. Like I got screw over by life and want to hurt people in return. It my abuse side, some of it defending my pride, try not have people control me and just revenge. It my shadow.
Second, lately been having strong romantic feeling about one my past band mate. Every night I have thinking about her. She is very cute girl, but I don’t think she even like as person. She very quiet and don’t even be kinda consider friends.Also it COVID and can’t even get a date during this time. I’m always afraid of getting hurt in the end. That I’m never good enough for a girl, just guy going die alone, as a virgin thet living with his parent.
In someway, I wish never have romantic feelings, they just cuase me pain and make hate women. I been abuse end lie by a lot women in my life. I’m tired of getting hurt. However hurt the one girl that did love me and just fucking lie to her. God I hate this whole dating bullshit world.
Well firstly I understand the first bit much more than I do with the second since I’m not experienced with dating really.
I have had my fair share of violent thoughts and I will say that I totally have similar thoughts too but what’s best is to lessen the amount of thoughts per day is to surround yourself in a positive environment which goes into the second part, I suggest you talk to her from time to time, some side conversations and you starting that up. And while yes you should consider covid you could get her number and talk to her from there and some more too. And yea that’s an understandable fear but you should know that even if it didn’t end up well you can learn from that and find that perfect someone even if it takes a lot of people and dating, abit cheesy but very true.
And yea you can be the one to hurt the relationship but what’s good is to acknowledge you did wrong and improve on that, dating nowadays has taken a rather odd turn and people are just pushing themselves together to hope it works and then break up and learn nothing.
But I’m very sure you aren’t gonna be like that, so I suggest you talk to her from time to time to learn more about her, even if you do talk to her talk to her some more and forge a friendship, and slowly go up from best friends to that peak where you ask her out. You shouldn’t go off of romantic feelings and jump in to learn it wasn’t right for you; you should learn about the person you are attracted to and go from there, and if you end up not being as into her that’s okay! You will always find someone else you love no doubt about it!
And along with that you should in a way hangout with people even if it’s on zoom surrounding yourself with friends is going to lessen the thoughts from coming up because that comes from a negative environment, it’s really when you hit a low point and you are overwhelmed with that negativity that causes your brain to produce those sort of thoughts. By having a more positive environment your brain will adapt to that and thus build more of a positive thought process.
I also suggest doing some other things such as tea and deep breathing exercises when the thoughts pop up out of nowhere. Deep breathing helps in being more oxygen to the brain and your thoughts are much clearer, you have negative thoughts when your mind is clouded so by relaxing yourself you are bringing out that negativity and bringing in that positivity. I hope this helps you and I wish you luck with her.