Hi everyone. It’s been a while since I posted, but a lot has happened since the last time I posted. I’ve been really hard on myself lately with certain thoughts and emotions I’ve been having. I’ve been really beating myself up about things that are out of my control. I feel like I’m not good enough if I can’t even fathom what I’m thinking about to a point where it will make sense to others. If it doesn’t make sense to me than what good will come of it if I share? I just don’t want to be a bother, a burden, or a reason someone worries. If I stay secluded and isolated regarding my thoughts and emotions then nobody else can get hurt right? I don’t want to hurt others. I want others to be happy. Growing up I wasn’t shown unending love and support. I try to show unending love and support to others that may not get it because I can empathize with them. I can empathize with that loneliness and worthless feeling. I have them almost everyday because of the way I was brought up and am treated now. If I cause worry then I feel like I’m too much and I should back off or let up. I don’t like being the center of a worry or a fear. I want to be the person people go to when they need a good laugh or to get something off their chest. I just don’t really know that what I want to show and be will ever happen. Because right now, I just want to go away for good. That’s all. Thanks for reading.
Hi Sarah. I read through a couple of your previous posts. I’m glad you’re feeling your emotions. You’ve mentioned it’s been difficult to feel your real feelings in the past, this sounds like progress, even though it’s dark here where you’re at right now.
I’m troubled by the way you say you want to not be a burden, that you don’t want people to have to worry about you. I believe people need each other. We need each other. You need those around you and they need you. I’m sorry people around you aren’t bolstering you with the love you need. But I’m glad you’re here reaching out to feel love from us. I sincerely believe that you are the most person you should be focused on helping the most, and right now it seems like you’re focused on everyone but you. How can you acquire the support you need? If you feel cared for and treated fairly, don’t you think you’ll be able to help those you love with much more attention, enthusiasm, and effectiveness? When I feel rejected and uncared for I know I don’t feel like helping anyone. But when one or two of the people around me do something loving for me, I feel empowered to spread love to the whole world. I think there’s a lot of wisdom in the self-love movement. Is there anything you can do to love yourself more? Perhaps these thoughts and feelings you’re having… You say you’ve been beating yourself up. You deserve love Sarah. It sucks that your environment hasn’t given you what you need, but now it’s largely on your shoulders. Will you search for compassion for yourself? To show a little more love for yourself tomorrow than you did today? To speak a little nicer to yourself? You matter, and what you focus in matters. There’s truth in your flaws and there’s truth in your strengths. What if you choose to focus more on why you’re worth loving and listening to, why you’re worth investing your effort into…What if treating yourself as you would treat those you care about helps turn this all around and gives you more strength to care for your loved ones with? You’re worth the effort! Will you find some compassion for yourself?
Hey Sarah,
First I want you to know that I love you, and that I’m here for you friend! I continue to pray for you as I know that so many of us do! And girl, I see you, I see your pain, and I’m so so sorry that you are hurting so much! I’ve been struggling with similar thoughts as of recent! But I want you to know that there is a end to the pain, and it’s not death! God will provide a breakthrough, you’ve just go to trust Him!
And believe me girl, I know it is so so so much easier said then done! I really found myself getting frustrated and angry with people when they told me oh just trust God, and I’m like I am! But I want you to know that God has a plan! Sure God could take all the pain away right now, but that’s not His plan! He has you still in this pain for a reason, and He will use it for good!
I continue to pray for you to have peace and comfort during this time! I pray that God’s will be done in the situation, and that a breakthrough is coming! I encourage you to listen to this song! It’s helped me a lot through my deepest darkest time! Breakthrough is coming my friend! I love you! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wedYKosEe9k
Hold Fast, You’re Worth It!
Love Always,
Monkey
Hey Sarah.
First off, much love to you. I can relate to not feeling “good enough” and beating oneself up over mistakes and things that aren’t really in my control. hugs One thing I’ve had to realize the hard way is that Im not perfect. No one is perfect. But its okay to not be perfect. You are amazing just the way you are.
I feel like you’re a big empath. You feel with others. That can be both a blessing and a curse.
I think its important to share your thoughts, feelings, and emotions so the burden of them does not become too heavy. Here is a perfect place for those.
I don’t think we would be better off if you went away! You are a valuable member here and the world would be a dimmer place without you in it. big hugs I hope something I said has helped you realize that you are loved and that its okay to not be okay. You got this. Keep posting and keep encouraging others. We love you here.
~Bethy
From: tromboness
I’m glad you are here. It’s important that you care for people that might have had a similar upbringing to yours. Sometimes when the words don’t make sense for your experiences, sometimes a word vomit works just to get all the messy thoughts out there, and then you can sort through it. And it’s okay to take your time to help yourself first; it’s okay to let people care about you.
hey sarah,
love you friend . we will love you no matter what. i know how it feels to want to hide and isolate. the truth is your not a bother, your not a burden. We love you for you. we will love and support you eveyrday . hold fast friend.
-Ashley
I feel this. I feel like I want to make people happy and don’t want them to worry. I’m terrible with my words and keep myself locked away. I feel like my voice isn’t as important as others. It took leaving a lot of the terrible things in my life. I know you can’t do that right now cause of your age. But also put yourself in a place where you are loved, like in HS. Use the words we say as a light for you even when things get dark. It will be better.I know that when you leave your abusive household and schooling you will be able to stand strong, you will grow into a beautiful and amazing person, you will impact the world. For now hold on and keep fighting, show your strength even if no one around you believes in you. Continue being Sarah continue being proud.
As an autistic I am constantly fighting that battle. Not always knowing how to convey how I am feeling and thinking. So I end up often feeling like it’s better to stay silent. There is often times where when I talk I feel like a child and like I’m not being taken seriously. But it’s still important that we try because bottling up and never sharing is not good either. Its a hard thing for me. So I can somewhat understand.
