A piece of my mind

From wolfter_: I feel better but just not completely.
I still feel like jumping off a cliff sometimes, and I still think people really won’t care.
I always wonder what would happen if I died. Maybe then someone would care.
I’m alone most of the time. Because of that I always have to rely on myself for comfort. I’d never really rely on anyone else, mostly because I don’t trust people easily. I have a lot of trauma and that is okay. No matter how bad I feel I just keep telling myself that it’s gonna be okay and that I just gotta get through…
I don’t like it but I have to deal with it anyway, to become a stronger person.
Another way I found to look at life is well…Like a mountain…
You climb and then you go down.
Happy then sad.
Happiness is short because going downhill is way faster than going up hill…And then you just keep climbing endlessly.
Then there will come a point where you stop climbing. You’ll either be at the bottom or the top.
I haven’t reached that point (obviously, I mean I’m still here :eyes:)
I still won’t give up, till my very last moments…

3 Likes

I can feel the frustration and the pain in your post. That metaphor of life being like climbing a mountain is very well put, sometimes the climbs- the bad parts, seem endless. You can start to wonder where the summit is and at the same time the good parts seem to fly by so fast.

You aren’t alone feeling like maybe reaching the point of doing something will catch someone’s attention and they’ll finally see you. They’ll finally give you the care you desire and deserve.

I got to that place myself, where the trauma and the climb felt too much for me to keep at alone. I think the more we try to mask and carry on alone like we have it all together, the more people on the outside believe that. Once we finally start to open those thoughts up to someone it can be so scary and sometimes even painful, but it can also feel so validating. It can feel like you finally have a spotter who can see the signs of danger ahead and who can pull up beside you to give you the rest you need.
I understand that trusting people is a very hard thing and sometimes I think that’s why it is almost easier to trust someone with a professional background.

I’m happy to hear that you won’t give up! It takes strength to push through it

3 Likes

I still won’t give up, till my very last moments…

As you shouldn’t! Never give up. Trauma is like waves, they crash harder at times, but over time they can get softer and easier to manage. They may not be vocal about it, but people definitely do care. Taking steps, whether big or small, are all very big accomplishments, even something as small as posting here. That’s huge, because this is a community where we all care about each other, and we go through the same struggles.

At the end of the day, you’re not alone. We’re here for you always

3 Likes

Hey friend - don’t ever give up and thanks for sharing your thought process on this. Life is a huge variance of ebbs and flows and it sometimes can feel like we will never come up for air or the struggle will never end. In the end, we all manage how view mentally view and handle things differently. Keeping on trucking, because you are worth it and engage it what brings you joy and happiness.

Much love,

ctrain

2 Likes

Sometimes its really hard to get unstuck, but if we keep trying different ways and using the resources available to us, we can get unstuck and climb those mountains in healthy ways. I’m glad to hear you won’t give up, because you matter and deserve to have a good life.

1 Like

Hi Friend, Your mountain is an interesting analogy, I like it. for me its always been a road, a bumpy one, a windy one, one with pot holes etc etc. but it all works on the same ideas. You know I dont think for a moment that if you ended your life people wouldnt care because people would, I would for one, if I heard you had done that I would be very upset. Your life matters, your life matters to me and to many many others. You are an amazing human being and you deserve to live your life on a constant downward slide down your mountain, no more struggling to climb upwards or at least not alone anyway.
You are not alone now you have a whole community of people that care and yes its gonna be ok. Lisa.

1 Like