A Season In Hell

Anyone dealing with CPTSD?

1 Like

Hey there,

There are alot of people in the community that have PTSD someway or another. Can you explain whats going on with you so that we can help you more?

  • Yummerz

well it is a long story. but here are the highlights. I have had to see alot of trauma. I have been on lifeflight 3 times. I have had several bad relationships and so many unfortunate things have happened to me, I live in a state of constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I try to hide my feelings and have been pretty good at doing so. But the last couple of years has had some real bad effects on me physically.

I know that I overreact and that how I feel is not reasonable or an appropriate response, but when the littlest thing happens, I get physically sick. I get sick to my stomach and start sweating uncontrollably. My heart starts to race, sometimes I even pass out.

Two years ago, my teenage son was lifeflighted for a sports injury, and I have never recovered. I had to be admitted to the hospital with my son because I passed out in the ICU. It so debilitating, I had to stop working. Now I sit at home and rarely leave the house. I just dont want to be out of the place where I feel safe.

I often feel like I have a bag of bricks on my back and have been dragging it around for 50 years. Every time something bad happens, I put it the sack. I cant deal with all the stuff so I self medicate to get some kind of relief. I dont sleep, dont eat, and dont interact with people.

I took some online assessments and told to get help immediately because I am a high risk for suicide. I dont know maybe I am. I have certainly given it some thought.

I get up when I do sleep and think, oh crap, Im still here. I cant talk to people because they dont know what to do with me. Therapy is a bottomless pit financially and family just ignore the seriousness of my state.

I know I should just get over all this stuff and move on, but I cant seem to let go. I am tortured all day, and if I am able to sleep, I have such terrible nightmares, I wake up disoriented and sweating.

I guess I feel like some kind of failure because I finely just broke. I couldnt take it anymore and just quit living and tried to just survive.


A lot of us here do. I am among one of them. So there’s a lot of support here if you need to talk <3

Friend. it’s hard to “just get over” anything. Things don’t happen over night and often is a process. That’s what things like therapy is for. To help us heal and work on healing where we are struggling.

I have a lot of trauma and hardships that I have gone through in my life and fast forward to me being almost 35, I still struggle with some of those things. So I sought out therapy. It’s really hard. Don’t beat yourself up for not just getting over it. It doesn’t make you a failure for breaking.

I know I have spent a lot of time just existing instead of living because of the things I was facing. You are not alone my friend.

I’m sorry for these trials that you face and the hardships you are going through. Know that you are loved here. Be gentle with yourself. Things take time <3

1 Like


I’m so sorry you’ve been through all of this. Traumas shape us in a certain way and I understand the struggle of trying to overcome it. It impacts us on an emotional but also physical level. I also relate to that state of “waiting for the other shoe to drop” way too much. Sometimes, when I think about how my life has been until now, I can’t help but seeing it only through the traumatic and difficult moments that happened. It’s hard to see the light when you feel like you’ve always been battling to just… live.

Very recently I’ve been recalling some difficult memories that were still hidden somewhere in my mind. It’s been two weeks that I’m having nightmares as well, to the point of being afraid to sleep. I burst into tears for no obvious reason and at random moments everyday. Eating is also quite a struggle. I feel vulnerable all the time, even where I’m usually used to feel safe and secured. And I’ve already been in the same situation at different moments for the past few years. So I do things that might seem stupid for anyone else but are actually helpful to reassure me and keep going onn. Like putting a chair beside the door of my bedroom when I sleep, so I’m sure no one can enter.

I guess by sharing this I just want you to know that you’re not alone and there’s nothing to be ashamed of. There are people here in this community who can relate to what you are going through. There’s nothing wrong with you friend. Nothing that you “should” do in such circumstances except taking care of yourself as much as you can. You are not a failure because you experienced difficult things in your life. You are not a failure now, you weren’t a failure before, you won’t be a failure tomorrow.

Please be patient and kind with yourself. You’re experiencing some reactions that are beyond your control for the moment. Going through any sort of trauma is heavy. You’ll need time to find some peace again. You said you overreact and how you feel is not reasonable/inappropriate… but I have to strongly disagree with this. There is no appropriate response friend. The reactions you describe have a reason to be. It makes sense.

I’m sorry to hear that therapy isn’t helpful to you right now. Do you think it could be worth to try it with someone else? It’s hard to find the right therapist at first. It’s still a person you learn to know and build a relationship with.

Despite this, therapy can be of a great help. Just because it gives you a place where you can express and put into words what happened, how you felt at the moment and how it makes you feel right now. It’s like telling a story that needs to remain in your past, and not make you suffer in the present moment in such an acute way. I can only encourage you to keep trying in that way. But without losing sight of the fact that it takes time before you’ll see the effects of it.

Hold fast. :heart:

1 Like

thank you all for your input.

1 Like