I never really had a chance to share my resentment for this; this seems like a good place to talk about it.
There are always gonna be people in my life who have a very surface level understanding of productivity/happiness; when I’m pissed off these people tell me to drink water/meditate/some other bullshit. When I can’t get any work done for hours, days on end they tell me to sit up straight/work somewhere else/make a todo list.
They’re so deluded by the simplicity of their happy, productive lives that they go around tossing that advice at people as if it’ll help. It DOESN’T; all it does is piss me off even more.
This resentment made me act in very odd ways against certain people; I used to have a really big group of friends that I’ve known for a few years. A few years back though, they all unanimously decided to sign up for a series of advanced classes; I decided to follow them. Over the next couple years, I became worse and worse of a student. With so much work coming from these classes, I just lost motivation to stay on track. It was common for me to have 50 late assignments per class. The result? I was forcibly removed from these “advanced” classes by the time I got to high school, and continued failing the classes I took.
My friends seemed to find it easy though; they all somehow managed to keep themselves afloat.
Now, they’re all these fucking amazing people with all these hobbies; they post on their social accounts about their active, happy lives. They meet up several times a week.
I hate them for it; I often harass them via texts. They don’t give a shit about me; some of them haven’t said a word to me in over 2 years.
I feel like I’m not being clear trying to talk about this; I just don’t know how to emphasize the full extent of my anger. These arrogant fucks are living perfect lives while I spend 12 hours a day doing my homework. Even with my parents carelessly throwing their money at tutors I don’t understand anything. I just stare at my work, night after night… for YEARS I haven’t been able to get work done… and it’s been worse than ever with distance learning. I fucking hate these wretched animals that call themselves people; they pretend to be your friends, they pretend to support you, and when you need their help they can’t even give you a crumb of pity.