It’s hard to figure out what to say here.
I had a big fight with my oldest sister. Me and my two older sisters are tight. We grew up close and still are. We occasionally squabble, but I haven’t fought with my oldest sister Sammy like this in a long time.
I don’t even know how it got out of control. Sammy usually stays at her boyfriend’s house. Me, my other sister and Dad are currently staying in an apartment, spending some time away from my mom. We’re going through some family issues right now.
I feel awful. Sammy got the apartment for us, brought stuff over for us, she always does stuff for us. I’ve been so stressed out lately. Along with the family situation, I fell behind in school and am working hard to catch up. I’m constantly worried about our cats at home because I know my mom doesn’t give a damn about them. Sammy tries to help me with my schoolwork.
Sammy wanted to pluck my white hairs and I wouldn’t let her. I said I always let her but today I didn’t want her to.
She said just one more, and brought up how she’s always doing stuff for us.
I got angrier. I felt like I was being manipulated. She called me an ungrateful brat.
Things got worse. I just feel really sad and tired right now.
I know she’s right. I never want to put in effort, try my absolute hardest. I didn’t mean to make such a big deal out of a little thing. I know I’m ungrateful. That is true. I’m not some good little sister. I’m someone who gets mad easily and as the youngest grew up spoiled.
I’m saying this because I don’t want people to tell me how it’s okay, it’s not my fault and I’m a good person and things won’t always be this way, they’ll get better. I know things won’t always be like this.
I guess I just want to know how to apologize to my sister. How to make myself a better person. I made a mistake. I don’t need comfort. I just want all of this to go away. I want to go back to when we were kids.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me.