I’m sorry. I’ve been trying so hard to hold myself together, but honestly, as soon as I step away from streams and no longer have my family around me, I just crumble.
Tonight I threw away some of the last blades I had after relapsing in my self harm about a week ago… Now just a few hours later they’re replaced by knives that will probably do more than those blades honestly would have. I am SO grateful for this community and everyone in it, if it weren’t for you I wouldn’t have made it this far. However, my battle ends here. I’m here to see the amazing fundraiser and event through to the end, but after this final stream of the week, I’m ready to go. I can’t fight any longer. My parents do nothing but abuse me, even when I’m not even home. my addiction is at the forefront of my every thought and I can’t take anymore. All I ever wanted to do is help people - but when I try it just gets thrown back in my face and there’s no appreciation what-so-ever. I don’t do what I do for the recognition, but a little bit of appreciation wouldn’t go a miss. I am so sorry to the people who have put in as much time as they have to help me get to where I am and I am so grateful for you. I’m sorry I couldn’t make you all proud. I’m sorry I couldn’t show you all the love and dedication you deserve. I just don’t have the fight in me to do this anymore. I guess in a few hours it’ll be the end of the road for me unless something drastically changes before then. I love you all.