Right now I can’t stop thinking. I wish that I could perfectly lay out my thoughts but that is impossible. I feel like a loser and a wimp and not good enough.
I say that all the time though- so doesn’t it get old to hear from me? That thought there makes me think I am a bother; and sometimes when I go through periods of being happy- like recently- and feeling genuinely happy and being able to help people, when I get back to this low point I feel like a bother- like my helping is bothersome and it doesn’t really help.
I feel like I can’t take the truth- or the reality of this world we live in. I feel like I’m a lazy piece of garbage who isn’t going to do anything with their life. I wish I could explain why I felt like this- I wish I could explain my exact feelings.
I wish that people could step into my body and see the stuff that I feel- just so people could literally feel it- feel the not being able to breath and the panic. But I’m sure we all wish that.
I am going to see my sister I haven’t seen in 10 years tomorrow- I’m going to see her graduate- and right now it’s just rough because I haven’t seen her in 10 years. I’m scared that I won’t fit in with her. My sister and her talk all the time- but she doesn’t really talk to me. Maybe that’s just a stupid thought of me.
I still don’t feel like I explains myself enough.
You know, I just wish that I could be that strong person that people might see when I attempt to help people. I wish that I could actually be that- but I’m not.
I’m weak and brittle, I’m emotional and monotone outside of the internet, I’m dull. I am so sick of myself. I wish I could be strong, but I’m not.