I know I failed my algebra two test because I spent the whole time making this
It’s a whole page of me writing and saying how worthless I am and how I don’t deserve anything but pains and death.
It’s a whole page of me writing and saying how worthless I am and how I don’t deserve anything but pains and death.
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hey friend. I am so sorry for the bad feelings you feel. I understand self hatred is such a vicious/ painful cycle. I definitely think the first step to getting better is to try and stop self depreciating. I used to do it for so long. Until you stop you really dont see how much worse it can actually make things. Its good to still vent your feelings though! Journaling is helpful. But try to not just hurl insults at yourself that simply are not true. You could try saying ‘ I feel I deserve pain BECAUSE but I know this IS NOT TRUE because…’ you still have a right to feel the way you feel but should work on also acknowledging your strengths/ the good things about yourself. As for the test just give yourself time to breathe and try again the next test. It’ll be okay. Plus summer is soon, that will be nice to have a break from school. Hang in there! I know these things arent easy but you’re awesome, you can do this.
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I’ve been trying to stop the self hatred but it seems to be getting worse and I don’t understand why. I have been trying to chalenage the thoughts that come up. I have been trying to rephrase them (I don’t often success but I’m trying). I have been trying to believe the good things about myself people tell. So I don’t understand why it’s getting worse. Also I’ve fucked up so badly in algebra that I’m at a fucking 7% for grade and have two days to get passing so I’m having the time of my life there.
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Aw no. Well im sure you can get into a credit recovery program ? oof im failing algerba two as well😅 its tricky. But really, dont beat yourself up too bad about the math. And I suggest with the self hatred that you continue the journaling for sure & take my advice. You may not be able to let your thoughts flow onto paper as fast and easy but its a needed step to recovery to fix the way you speak to yourself. You are valued and loved. Its so important we see our worth in order to have compassion with ourselves to properly take care
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This would be my second time failing algebra two so feeling like a failure there but it’s fine it’s really not that big of deal on my nonsensical mind list. About see my worth. Have you ever heard of the 10 to 1 ratio? It says that for every one bad thought it takes ten to undo it. And my ratio in my head is closer to for every one good thing I think nearly a 1,000 negative thoughts flood into my mind to fight it. I’m trying really hard for it not to happened but ahh(or however you do a sigh) it doesn’t seem to be doing anyhing.
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Ive heard a bit about the ratio thing before myself and I totally believe that. Negative thoughts/ bad thoughts about self image really can be overwhelming and feel like a flood so I understand. I still suggest you take my advice // try and find other helpful tips on refocusing your mindset. Im no professional either. What else is helpful is expressing your bad emotions in other healthy ways whether it be art, other forms of writing, working out, etc. That all is helpful too
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Yeah I’ll try. That’s the only good thing that I don’t contest. That I’ll always try.
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Im glad to hear you are trying 
it can be so hard sometimes! Im sure you are doing your best and thats wonderful. Hang in there friend you got this.
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Good job trying to rephrase the bad things and trying to internalize the good things people say about you! Those are not easy when you feel absolutely terrible about everything.
It’s so easy to not try, to just let the negativity keep washing over you like the ocean. You’re trying, and that takes a ton of effort. You want to know why it’s not working, and that shows fight. You haven’t accepted your narrative, you’re wondering when and how the hell it will change. I don’t have the answers for you, but you’re taking the first steps.
I think I was 26 or 27 when I first started challenging my negative voices, asking why the stupid exercises didn’t work and when it would be my turn to feel okay. There were no answers, but I was starting to acknowledge that the negative thoughts were not okay. I started to resent them, then mentally yell at them. (I went through a period of outward rage that I might recommend against, but it was part of my healing process.) I finally understood that I was in a toxic relationship with myself. My head was telling me lies, and I hated it for that, but damnit I wasn’t going to let it keep me down anymore.
What I’m hearing is that you’re starting up that path. You’re trying to rewrite your narrative, and getting frustrated that it isn’t changing. You’re tired of hating yourself, and don’t even know why you do. The worsening self-hatred could be a backlash to questioning the self-hatred in the first place–if you’ve been comfortable hating yourself, you’re venturing out of your comfort zone, and the familiar feelings are calling you back even more intensely. Fuck them. Fuck your self-hatred.
Being angry at yourself for hating yourself is a weird place to be, but be patient and give yourself grace. Right now you’re trying to fight a cancer of the mind, a part of your identity that is trying to kill you. It’s HARD, and there isn’t a straight path through it. There will be more bad days than good for a long time, and it will be exhausting. Keep fighting though!
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I don’t know how to give myself grace. I don’t know how to even like myself even a little bit. I wish I knew how to but I’m trying. It’s really is hard when you hate yourself for hating yourself. It’s such a wried place and I have no clue what to really do.
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No one knows. If they did, there’d be no need for this forum. You’re trying, and I’m damn proud of you for that. You’re in a weird place, so look all around, just don’t look down.
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Thank you. I’ll keep trying but I don’t know it will work.
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Casey made a short video about giving ourselves grace once. It’s a good reminder of how important it is to learn to be fair to ourselves, even if it’s hard and even if it feels weird.
There is no perfect way to do it. As Sheet said, we’re all trying to figure this out. But we can learn, always. We can look around us, see examples of care and love, and ask ourselves “how can I let myself inspire by this so I can try to do that for myself too?”. It’s really uncomfortable and weird to do that when we hate ourselves, but you’ll notice, even very deep inside, this small feeling that you know it’s what is right, even if it feels unnatural.
Sometimes telling ourselves affirmations can help too. You can find many examples online. I personally can’t use self-love affirmations, as it’s just too far away from how I feel about myself. But I find some middle ground with self-acceptance affirmations, which emphasize more on our right to be imperfect. We’re only humans after all. We learn, we try, we fail eventually but even from our mistakes we can keep learning. 
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This guy says it so well <3
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I think they got the most of it in the other comments but: standing still and taking care of yourself, will eventually allow you to feel well enough to take a step forward. Everything at your own pace. If there is one thing I learned in this life: you get there eventually but each has a pace.
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