About my friend

I posted not too long ago about my friend I met online in college who I suspected was using me bc we would only seem to text when we’re helping each other with assignments and she says it’s bc she’s been working 2 internships and 2 jobs and how to not take it personally cuz she’s like this with all her friends. I actually confronted her a second time, the 1st time was calmer and we had a calm and rational talk. But the second time I confronted her again bc she was taking longer than usual to text but this time I got real with her by being more aggressive (I was just paranoid) and we had a lil fight but she was also trying to handle this in a more mature way and to be real with me until we finally talked it out. I now know in my heart that she’s genuine my gut has always been telling me that she’s real but now I feel like I might have genuinely hurt her even though I apologized bc I assumed her whole life when she in reality works hard every day. I’m worried that things are not gonna be the same between us again, like she might refuse to say “ily” back to me when I say it to her:( and it hurts bc I love and care about her and I hope she still knows that


Hey @grigorievkatya,

Thank you so much for taking the time to share these updates with us. It’s understandable that you were upset the second time you talked together. It’s tough to feel like someone you care about doesn’t care about you as much, or not the same way. It is the kind of situation that can really trigger our insecurities, a fear to be alone or rejected. It’s also hard sometimes to keep our calm when our mind is convinced about something and we need a quick answer to ease our worries.

I want to encourage you to give yourself some grace for what happened. Your reaction was human, and you will be able to learn from what happened too. Through your post right here, we can already see that you’ve thought about it and have gained a better perspective about the situation, a clear one. You acknowledge that your friend’s behavior wasn’t about you, but because she’s very busy between her jobs and internships. You also see that she actually tried to handle the conversation in a mature way, but also that you reacted in a way you didn’t want.

I don’t know if you had the opportunity to talk again after this second conversation you mentioned, but, if you didn’t yet, maybe it would be good to just give her a bit of time before reaching out again. It is possible that she might be hurt, and it’s okay to give some space when it’s needed, just so she can process on her own, and you as well. Your worries and concerns are valid. Though the best way to ease them in the future will be to discuss again, in a calm way, and to make sure she can express how she felt after your conversation. When there is genuine love and affection between two people, then I believe it’s always possible to learn from our mistakes, heal and grow together. Every relationship has ups and downs. But these moments don’t have to define the entire relationship either, nor condition its future.

I hope you’ll manage to talk again soon and find some restoration together. This misunderstanding and the way you reacted can still be handled in a mature and loving way, as long as you are both willing to. Be gentle with yourself, friend. And know that once again we are here to support you as well. :hrtlegolove:

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From: SpiderTrev (Discord)

Thank you for updating us grigorievkatya, it sounds like you both have a beautiful and open friendship that is strong and meaningful. You say you were paranoid, do you know why this might be? Has this friend hurt you in the past? Have you been hurt by someone else in the past? If so, its understandable that you have these thoughts and worries. Know that you are loved and that if this friend is busy then that is simply apart of their life and it is best to support them , its the best you can. If you get upset over replies you are expecting, just remember that your friend is a different person, what a “xx” in a text means to one person can mean very little to another. I am a true believer that love comes from our actions not from our texts or in fewer words. You have said sorry and made up from the argument and its best to move on from this, sometimes if you keep saying sorry or bringing it up, this might upset them more. Trust that your friendship is as strong as it sounds and whenever you feel the worries, just talk in person and I am sure they will understand. This friendship is powerful, enjoy it and embrace that love!

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From: j71s8 (Discord)

Thanks again for sharing! It’s difficult to work through things with friends sometimes. Life can be difficult for many people. When you are working multiple jobs and multiple internships it can be hard. It can also be hard on you too for being a friend who is around them. I’m sure it was hard having that conversation, but it appears as though it did answer some questions because you actually talked about it. It may be difficult, but friends can work through almost anything. When someone takes a hard line approach to a situation at hand it is impossible to go back, but at the same time there are many pros to that. It can show that someone is serious in the fact that they care about someone from their point of view. In such a situation, the awareness of the self’s ability to perceive situations which are abnormal or in the absence of the normality in which one is used to, these issues can appear. Sometimes these issues may need to still be addressed by having someone like a therapist to talk to about what is going on in life in general as sometimes the self perceives the continuance of such changes after they are no longer new. I have found personal life experience has shaped this view point so hopefully you can maybe get a unique perspective on it. No matter what, I am glad things are finally going somewhere, and that a harder lined approach is appearing to get the point across, you are loved, you matter, and you are cared for greatly!

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