Absolutely love this band and listening to their m

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Absolutely love this band, and listening to their music has helped me so much this year.
I would really like to take this opportunity to take your advice to get this story out of my chest if I may.

There’s a lot more to this story, but this is only about what happened this year. In the beginning of this year (Jan) I had gotten a job working the produce department in a grocery store. I had originally got this job so I could get out of a bad living situation at the time with my family. I had a very difficult time for the first 5 months saving money until I moved away. This is because of me and my lack of controlling my finances. It most certainly didn’t help constantly asked everyday for weed and alcohol. (I was also one of two people there working out of 7 adults in the house paying way extra for rent (original agreement was $400 a month, but would end up being $600- $850 instead). After working for about 5 months my manager (for this message I’ll call her Chloe although that’s not actually her name.)
Chloe helped me so much with helping me learn about the job, vouched for me to the district manager to promote me just after 2 months of working there. Around march I had felt comfortable enough to talk to her about what was going on in my life a little bit. One morning as I was working an opening shift in the cool room she showed up very upset, hugged me and cried on my chest. She told me she was done with her marriage, and that her husband has been strictly plutonic with her for years, which is not what she wanted. She also said she tried with every way she knew how to excite her husband with no effect no matter what she did. Apparently she was sleeping on their couch in their living room instead of sleeping in her bed with her husband for months. Fast forward to the end of march, we have been texting a lot more consistently. I understand even at this point I should not have opened up to her, was already in process of making horrible bone-headed decisions even though she was still married. I had texted her telling her how I felt about her, which started the rest of what I ended up getting into.
Chloe’s first reply was her turning me down because of her being my direct boss. However, that next morning I showed up for my mid-shift, and met up with her who was already there working the morning shift. She had told me she really likes me too, and she wants to be with me, but she can’t just leave her husband who she was intertwined with financially and living wise. If we were gonna be a thing, it was gonna have to be in secrecy for the moment. I’m ashamed to admit that I went for it head first without thinking of any consequences. During that time, Chloe started door dash as a side business always at night time, and I would go along with her. Well in the beginning of may we became intimate, and very shortly after she was telling me she loved me, that she didn’t originally want to be in another relationship after her marriage, but then said after getting to know me, she had changed her mind and wanted a life with me. At that point, in my heart I knew what I wanted to do. Finally get out of my living situation, get a place until she fully separates with her husband, and move into a place with her, and look for another job afterwards. In June I had moved away, and got a room at an extended stay motel, then after about 3 weeks I had got accepted to an apartment for a studio room, and it was awesome! I never had an apartment before so it was an amazing feeling being on my own. I didn’t have a car though, so I would walk 3 miles to work 8-10 hours and walk back 5 days a week. For most of the year that part wasn’t actually that difficult, especially after getting used to doing that. What made it difficult was having little sleep from riding with her during night with door dash. Also, an aspect of this situation that made everything immensely difficult was another employee (again for this I’ll call him Bruce.) Bruce worked in the bulk department right next to the produce department. In the beginning she said they were just friends. See at first in Chloe and my relationship, we were together all of the time. Like as everyday on either of our lunch breaks we would go to my place. After July, we’d still hangout about the same time, but Bruce also was hanging out with her on his break, or sometimes on hers also. I felt something was off, now to realize how much out of loop I was. Towards the later months of this year I’d say around September, she was very much dividing her time with me and Bruce. Then, just working there got so weird. Like whenever I’d try to hangout with her on my break, Bruce would be walking back seeing me leaving the store, and would immediately freak out on her with messages. She also would lie to Bruce whenever we were together outside of work. I cannot stress just how stupid I can be. I could’ve so easily looked at this and knew something was up from the beginning. Well, at end of September I was at the absolute end of my rope with all of that. I was supposed to walk there, but instead called the store to them that I quit, and was not going to be there. After telling Chloe, Bruce had sent me tons of messages telling me every insult in the book. I even started replying until Chloe immediately messaged me ordering me to stop messaging Bruce. I had an idea what was going on at that point, thinking that she started doing the same stuff with him, which by itself meant what she had been consistently telling me all this time about wanting me to be her one and only was a lie. Except, I honestly wish it was just that. On Oct 1st (my birthday) she had came over and celebrated with me, it was awesome. However, that night she had told me she went to an arcade with Bruce and he got into her phone, and saw all of our messages. She said he was outraged, threatening to tell the company, and her husband who she had still not separated with. The next night, apparently her husband went through phone, and saw everything from me and Bruce. Chloe then says that she needed to block me and Bruce, and that she wasn’t ever actually intending on separating with him. Also, she told me that the whole time, even before I started working there, she was secretly with Bruce. After that, I just sat alone in my little apartment feeling decimated, but also knowing that this is exactly what I deserved.
Fast forward a few days later, I get messages from Chloe, who I had thought blocked me. Messages of her calling me her baby, asking if I’m still in town, and really wanting to get ahold of me. “Coincidentally” Bruce sending me a friend request on Facebook, and also sending messages saying he wanted to talk to me about Chloe. Then about an hour later she sends a message saying those last few messages from her was actually Bruce message her using her phone while she’s asleep, and that she just wants all of this to end… I replied saying “absolutely” and blocked them both on everything. During that time thankfully I had gotten back in touch with my family. Ended up losing my room, and moved back.
I am not sharing this life story to be received as a victim, or even in a good light. I fully understand I fucked up big time, and the true victim in that story was Chloe’s husband. I have felt like a piece of filth after making those choices. I know my actions regardless of what I thought absolutely had consequences, and not just for me. I’m hoping by sharing this, it can help me move forward to be a better person, and Make better choices. Thank you for your reaction, and anyone willing to read this, thank y’all.

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I’m sure there has been every scenario under the sun play out in your mind and every possible ending to each of those scenarios. We never truely know what life will bring, who people will play out to be, what relationships will or won’t work.
We just trust our hearts and go with them. Sometimes our hearts aren’t always the best judge of action, but I can see that this whole process and experience has been one that took a big toll on your heart.

You came here acknowledging that it wasn’t necessarily the right step at the time, but we can’t always be held to those one mistakes.

We can use them to remind ourselves that we are capable of change and growth, and that is a beautiful reminder once our hearts have some time to heal.

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hey friend,

i’m so proud of you for taking this vulnerable leap and sharing your story. i hope it provided relief as you wrote it all out - i personally find it cathartic to write all that is on my heart. 2023 has been full of a range of emotions and experiences for you - your reflections and hope for constant self-improvement is admirable. with the huge action of blocking them both on all platforms, you’ve already set yourself up for a bright 2024. you deserve to be loved and to love. i wish you all the best in your future journey of learning, loving, and living to the highest potential. and if you ever need to share in order to help you move forward on anything you’re stuck on, please know your heartsupport community has your back! cheers to an amazing 2024 ahead for you, my friend. i believe in you.

love,
twix

Thank you so much for being so honest and open. You have a lot of strength and self awareness. I understand that this was a very difficult situation and must’ve taken a large toll on you mentally.

I want to say that I applaud you acknowledging your mistakes and moving forward. You are choosing to learn from this and that is awesome. You are not your past, and I’m hope that your next chapter is a great one. I hope that you can get a job that you really like and get your own place again soon! And I completely agree on your opinion of Sleep Token! They rip.

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Hi there, thank you so much for sharing this and for taking the time to reflect here. I too hope that sharing helps you to move forward after this turbulent situation, and I’m proud of you for your efforts to put this behind you.

Thinking back on this situation, I can imagine that a lot of emotions and thoughts come up – likely everything from frustration and upset to shame and guilt, and ultimately any emotions you feel are valid. These sorts of situations can leave us with so many questions and challenges.

With that said, it’s wonderful to hear that you’re trying to put this behind you as you deserve peace. I hope that going back to the living situation with your family hasn’t been too much of a challenge and that things are going a little bit better in your world.

Thank you again for sharing with us and for being here. I appreciate your vulnerability in sharing with us and I’m wishing you all the best.

<3 Tuna

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