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Abused mentally and physically by my Mother since birth. I was “Loaned” out by her to her cousin for his sick fetishes, all the while, calling me a whore and blaming me (I was 4 yrs old) for seducing men. Fast forward to adulthood, still mentally abused by her, tried to “get away” by marriage, only to realize when it was to late, that he was just like her. After years of hiding the abuse like all do, I finally got out. In the process though, both her and him have alienated me from my children and he has tried to kill me multiple times. Thought about suicide more than I can count. I am 8 years post divorce now and 3 years post recovery. Over this past year I have finally found the courage to speak about it.
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@kelly_honeybadger_schlobohm 
@quadzilla619 stronger together and we are one hella girl gang 
@landri_liftsalot see you soon 
@landri_liftsalot exactly 
@landri_liftsalot thank you. Our Powerlifting Sisterhood is unlike any other in this world. I love it so much.
@quadzilla619 is part of the reason I found my courage. You are my heart girl. Thank you
@kelly_honeybadger_schlobohm incredibly proud of you sister and I am so sorry you understand the pain I do!!! You’re an inspiration and a warrior!!! Keep fighting my friend I am always here for you!!!
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It’s hard to have this pain feel like it is “real”. It’s so out of body. It’s like - shit, that REALLY happened to me? It’s not just a list of facts, but real, tangible events that are part of MY story. It’s hard to grip that sometimes because it’s so separate from what you would have imagined your life to be. And yet it is the reality you live in, and it is a fucking war just to stay upright. To feel like there are no “safe people” in your world - that betrayal has just been a constant. It’s hard to get to a place of trust - like what the fuck is that? Trust is just the fool’s preparation for betrayal. So you’ve walled yourself off from others - honestly, not super “intentionally”, just by nature of the shit that’s happened, but also by nature of the constancy of abuse. And so you feel like you’re engaging in life and relationship through a glass wall. You can “kind of hear people”, you can IMAGINE what it’d be like to be able to touch them, they can kind of see you. But there is this kind of separation from the world that is brutally lonely. And then, you have your kids, and it feels like such a desperate battle. Like - how the fuck do I actually get to them? Why is it so unfair? Why are these people so cruel to me? Why would they take the one thing that I love? It makes sense why you’d return to these thoughts of suicide because it just all feels so damn pointless. No matter where you’ve been in your life, you’ve had enemies. Not because you did anything to deserve them, but just because they’re fucking cruel. And not being able to escape the overcast of evil in your life, just feels so defeating. Somehow, you are still standing. Not only standing, but fighting, gaining in grit and resolve. It is fucking brilliant. You carry you so much, but there is fire inside of you that burns stronger than the depression. Even on the days when you feel it dies out, it refuses to be quenched. And now you’re finding a way to channel that into something meaningful, a way to burn a path of freedom for yourself and others. And in that sense, you are TRANSCENDING the evil. And THAT is beautiful. You do not have to exact revenge, you are rising above it. And in that sense, displaying to yourself and the world that it will not have the last word on your story. How inspiring. Thank you.
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@heartsupportwall2 I read this through tears.
