I’ve been thinking about how I feel and where I am mentally and emotionally recently. It’s been hard for me to celebrate my progress because for the longest time I’m used to believing that I don’t deserve to be happy, because I’ll just be sad again. In fact, the quote from good ol’ Romeo and Juliet, “these violent delights have violent ends” was such a motto for me in life because I felt like I would be so happy and everything would seem perfect only to have things crash and burn. Rinse and repeat. I hesitated posting a progress topic here because I’d often question myself if I’m really progressing, and if it even counts as progress.
Well I told myself, even if things do go bad again, and regardless of how big or small progress looks, it is okay for me to celebrate the good. So here is my first progress post! And I’m going to bullet point a summary of what I’ve achieved in the past few months
- Hung out with friends
- Strengthened/improved my relationship with my family by talking to them more and spending more time with them
- Wrote for a zine (Not my proudest piece, and I’m not really a writer, but I DID IT)
- Started drawing again! Getting into digital art at the moment
- Renovated my bedroom. This was huge. My old bedroom felt like a cave with an imposing loft bed that literally cast a shadow somehow onto the rest of the room. My room is more spacious and bright now!
- Started uni again and things seem to be working out great aside from a very triggering film I was shown in class (we were given several warnings and were allowed to leave at any time)… But I’ll be okay!
- Felt more confident about myself
- Currently in the process with my GP in diagnosing potential ADHD and BPD
I don’t know what it is, and I don’t need to know what it is that is making me feel this way. I feel really good. I have to credit this community a lot for the kindness and support because I really believed that the world is an awful place… I felt like I’ve grown so much in the past year because of the love, support, and respect I have been given here, which I do put forward with my friends, family, even strangers. I just feel like I’m healing.
It feels like having cake. A part of me feels bad for having the cake… but at the same time, I’m just glad I have cake, and I am glad to share the cake… Again with my metaphors (: