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Actions Have Consequences

You may be thinking to yourself after reading the title, like wow of course I know that, and you should too… but this time these consequences are a bit different, they hurt a little worse, and has caused more chaos in my life then what I would have ever accepted.

To make it short, I made a decision, this decision had consequences. Unfortunately these consequences have now involved me becoming isolated, and just having to sit in my pain, and wait for the storm to past. With that, I’ll be honest it’s not something that I do well. To anyone who follows me on twitter, they’ve seen this storm play out.

But tonight it’s been different. Because well I started doing what I dreaded the most, being honest. Admitting to people the mistakes that I made, and well I’ll be honest while most took it well and were forgiving, others didn’t and the one’s who didn’t those left wounds that I believe at this point can’t heal.

But let’s focus on the forgiveness factor… most everyone has said hey i forgive you, I’ve prayed and I know God has forgiven me, but the issue lies in the fact that I can’t forgive myself. Not has this only thrown me into a pit of isolation, but it’s also brought me back to the roots of my self harm struggles. If I cause any sort of pain or anguish to someone else, I then need to cause pain to myself as payback. And well me doing this and isolation is my pay back to myself for the trouble I have caused.

I really don’t know how to end this post, other then by saying the words I cry out over and over and over again… I’m sorry.

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You are loved monkey. You are.

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I feel you on this, man I cried while reading it …

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I think the guilt and blame you feel are punishment enough, in your psyche. Even though, people will be hurt or upset over things that are beyond your control even if you think that you are doing everything right. You do not deserve this pain you are putting yourself through sweetheart. I hope that you can find your inner peace, and until then - we are all here for you to help you in any possible way that we can :heart:

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@Monkey

I don’t have twitter, so I don’t know what happen, but what I can tell is that you are not in a good place. You want to get better. That’s good. Focus on getting better. Pray to God to help you to forgive yourself. It is something you cannot do it on your own. It is possible. I’m sorry you are feeling this way. I’ve been there. If you want to vent more, this forum is still open. I hope you are moving forward. Thank you for being honest. Take care.