So. I know a lot of people feel bad about themselves. But I can tell you for a fact that if anyone is a waste of life it’s me. I have no talent. I’ve never accomplished anything in my life. I barely graduated high school by the skin of my teeth. I’m very stupid. I’m awkward, ugly, chubby, disgusting and just a complete failure. I’m married. And my husband is the ONLY reason I haven’t killed myself already. I don’t know how or why but he some how loves me. My whole family abandoned me. My friends forgot about me. I’m almost 26 years old and I still wet the bed. I don’t have a job. I can’t keep my house clean. I’m not extremely fat but I’ve gained a lot of weight over the past 3 years. I just really hate myself. I’m on medication for depression and anxiety but it doesn’t help. My own psychiatrist doesn’t even respond to my messages. I’m only writing this so anyone who feels worthless can see that there is someone out there that is worse and maybe give them some confidence. At least you aren’t me.
Alytalenti,
Where did you learn to hate yourself like this?
This isn’t the truth about you.
Not saying that you don’t have struggles or diminishing what you feel. I understand that what you feel feels very real, but it’s also not the truth.
For example:
- “I barely graduated high school” – that means that you had to overcome some serious self-doubt and self-hate to persevere and see your commitment all the way through to the end. That means that you’ve got grit and courage. That’s a positive.
- “You’re whole family abandoned you” – that means that you’ve had some serious pain. And the fact that you choose every day to not abandon your family through suicide…that to me tells me that you have strength and honor.
- “I’ve gained a lot of weight” – doesn’t mean you’re fat or disgusting. It means that your body is helping you take on the pain that you’ve experienced…which you’ve experienced a lot of with your family and friends abandoning you. Your body is fighting on your behalf to take some of the blows. Even your body, whether or not you’re consciously choosing it, has fight left in it. You are a fighter.
- “I’m awkward and a complete failure” – your husband would disagree. And if he didn’t disagree about you being awkward, that would be because it’s pieces of you that he loves and chooses. And you aren’t a complete failure – you are building a family with a man that you love and that loves you. You are building a new life, a new family, a new kingdom. You are not a failure. You are a builder.
You’re courageous, strong, honorable, a fighter, and a builder. You are loved, whether or not you choose to believe it.
These are the things that are true about you, friend.
-Nate
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