Since I was a kid, I always have the tendency to make my own imaginary world. I believe that was normal but it is something that people should get over with as they grow or mature.
When I was younger than 10, I imagine myself being a woman who is liked by many especially by boys. I always feel like I am in a romcom with a sweet man. I have a lot of friends and they witness how supposedly good my life is. I used to be so confident.
As I got older the story slightly changed. Now, I’m a woman who has nothing but a struggling marriage with a cheating husband and a child. She’s unhappy. Also, she has to support her family. She’s tired so she feels like running away and leaving everything behind. Escaping.
I even cry and smiles on my own.
Sometimes I get lost with these thoughts while walking, on the train or at school. You may be confused, but my reality is a lot more different. I am still young. In fact, I have bever been with a man before.
I am only in my late teens. Unlike most people here, I may be young and lack a lot of experiences. I can’t even say that my struggles can compare to someone who really needs help .
I recognized that my problem is solely me. I am weak willed and I easily surrender when things gets a little bit hard. I don’t have any goals and do nothing about it. I have poor people skills. I rarely talk and I get irritated easily so I tend to avoid people to not upset them. Unsurprisingly, I don’t have any friends, not one I can fully trust. I doubt someone would want to listen to my petty problems. They always say to go out and meet friends when you’re struggling but what would I do. I also don’t have any financial means to get help properly.
My mind is a mess. I’m having hard time. I am still in high school but older with most of my mates. I don’t get along with anyone. I can’t empathize with them and most of other people. I am insecure and always compare myself. I know they try to approach me but I just can’t let go of myself. I don’t get along with anyone even with family or relatives. I even hate talking or socializing with them. I think I haven’t been talking with my Dad properly for more than two years now. I am overly immature and selfish. I get depressed and sad without a reasonable reason.
I’m getting away from my strange imaginary world with my phone. Which wasn’t really a good solution since I just got myself a new addiction. I feel uneasy without my phone with me nowadays. I’m having a hard time accomplishing anything substantial. I find it strange since I’m not even a fan of social media. It helps me get rid of my depressing imaginary world. Though, I ended up having a new world still far from reality. A virtual world.
I don’t know how to make things better. Or maybe I do. I just can’t help myself. I feel stupid and worthless. I don’t even know if anyone who will read this would take me seriously. I’m just a sorry excuse of a human being. A living disappointment.
I’m scared. I am an adult now. Eventually, I would have to get out there and learn to walk on my own. I don’t have any skills. I’m easily distracted and clumsy. I’m a bit slow with a lot of things. I don’t even know how to make a good impression.