In case this changes the way you guys respond, this is not the first time I’ve posted on the forum, I just want to keep this post anonymous because I am very active in the community, and I don’t want people to think less of me as I’m ashamed to even be writing this… It is just something I really want to work on and I don’t know how to.
I wouldn’t say I’m as addicted to video games now as I used to be… I mean, I can go a few days without playing them, and not really feel like I’m missing them… However, when I do play them I am so incredibly toxic. I don’t just go around abusing people for the sake of being bored, but if someone is constantly doing something to anger me, or starts to abuse me, I will start abusing them saying things that are really not appropriate to post on the wall… Most of the stuff I say is actually things that can get me permanently banned from the games if I was reported so many times, so I guess I’ve been lucky.
I didn’t really think much of it until today where I just lost my shit with 2 players in a game that had really really angered me, and I started saying some really horrible stuff… Stuff that would probably have me arrested if I said it to someone in real life…
The thing about this, is, outside of games, I’m always caring and kind towards people. Those that know me through this community and in real life often comment on how kind and loving I am. So… If I can bite my tongue in discord, on twitch and in real life, why can’t I do that in games?
I just want to be able to play a game without risking getting myself banned, but I just anger so quickly… I don’t know why its so difficult for me.