(backstory: I work grocery retail, Corona virus scare has me working double what I’m used to, plus my store is going out of business, so the owner is already making us work harder. I’m also putting my ferret down tomorrow which is my first ever pet and I don’t think I’ve come to the reality of it yet)
I’ve been vaping since I was 16 (currently 21) and I’ve been trying to quit since the beginning of this year. I’ve gone 2 weeks multiple times without nicotine, but I always find myself going back to it. I also drink almost daily. Alcoholism runs heavy in my family, so I can’t tell if I’m addicted, or if I’m just drinking because it’s a fun New thing to do given I’ve been 21 for half a year.
I’ve been trying to quit smoking, and lay off drinking because I value the relationship im in so so much. Mentally I want to give up everything I can to be in this relationship, but for some reason I just can’t. My partners parents already don’t think kindly of me because they have high expectations and want what’s best for their child, and I just don’t meet those expectations, so with the addictions I struggle with, it only makes it worse. I wish I could just be locked up, away from my addictions so I don’t even have access to them. I feel weak. I feel hopeless. I feel like my partner deserves so much better than me. I don’t know what to do, and I’m scared my addictions are going to make me lose what I value most. This is the most stuck I’ve ever been in life and I feel so powerless. I’m scared.