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Addiction

For the first time in my life I’m struggling with horrible bouts of addiction. To two things.

First off I’m addicted to eating. I don’t think I’m terribly overweight but I’m not skeleton-thin like I was when I was a kid either. Someone died in 2019 and I started eating lots of things. I wanted to start this new year off with a diet for both me and my mum, but a month into it she’ll cave and purchase horrible foods and I’ll end up eating them no matter how much I don’t want to.

Secondly I’m addicted to my sleeping medication. This is a new development but it’s causing me lots of stress along with the food thing. I can’t sleep at night so my mum suggested I take sleep meds. I took them and now I can’t stop. I rely on them to fall asleep at night. If I don’t take them one night then I’ll wait until both my parents are asleep and then I’ll sneak downstairs and take them (I admitted this to my mum and she’s hidden them away). The withdrawal symptoms are killing me and I still can’t sleep. I took some last night and now I’m drowsy and dizzy but my head isn’t killing me anymore. I don’ know what to do, my life is going into a downward spiral.

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@DeVille
First off I want to applaud you for sharing this stuff with us because it can be really hard to be open about stuff like addictions and honestly it is never easy to know whether this is something to discuss or not. I hope you know that we are grateful for you sharing this here with us.

Okay so food is very hard to deal with in terms of using it to comfort you but also in a healthy way. I have struggled with both this and the lack of eating. I tend to also have issues because I am very sensitive to textures and such. I will try hard to eat stuff that isnt too bad for me but what I have come to find is the idea of controlling what I ate just made me more upset. My recommendation is to perhaps talk to your mom about not having those things in the house or if she does can they go somewhere that you arent okay with being around. Sometimes it also takes us learning to have self control and hopefully learning that we have the ability to say no. Something I have found is that I dont personally know when to eat any more so I forget it. Or if I am busy I know that I have the ability to not focus on the food. Let me ask you this what do you do. I also wonder have you discussed to someone how the death of that person hurt you.

For the second part with sleeping meds let me ask you this are the suggested by a doctor. If so that is meant to help you are you using the amount suggested. I cant sleep easily without my sleep med I was given or my sleep is rough and interrupted. If they are not prescribed what do you normally do to help you fall asleep. Perhaps consider somethings like mediation and relaxing ways to fall asleep easier. I know it wont make it perfect but it will happen and can help. Nothing is set in stone unless we set it that way. So maybe change up the habits you have or the way your room is set up. Sometimes the change in things can really help us. I have had people say and suggest that drinking a warm drink before bed can help you fall asleep. There are a lot of types of tea that is like a sleepy time tea could help you.

Hold fast we are here
Ash

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From: luxandmortem

I know it’s hard to admit things like this but you matter. I know what it’s like to being addicted to eating , but I suggest maybe a food journal. Or trying to eat as healthy as possible, even if your parent eats like crap. I hope you figure things out, and it’s okay to admit these things.

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From: luxandmortem

Also some people need sleeping aids, so don’t consider it a addiction if you really need it. If you were given them by a doctor it was for a reason, then you need them. But if you don’t really have a problem sleeping then maybe you need to figure out a better nighttime routine to help you out. You got this though I believe in you.

From: jezliee

it’s really powerful that you’re able to step back and evaluate your life. that step alone is a huge step, so thank you for sharing that with us. as someone with a binge eating disorder, I really understand food taking over your life. it’s a hard place to be. what has helped me is a food journal. I write down is what I ate, and what I was feeling. then I saw patterns and relearned to identify feelings I was shoving away with food.

From: appy4248

With regards to your addiction, do you have a goal you want to aim towards? Is there something you want to do more than anything else? Are you active / physical or are you creative? How about trying a new hobby or activity? Have you tried cooking for example to link with food? With regards to your sleeping pills, have you tried alternatives like meditation or develop a sleeping pattern? How are you viewing these addictions? Try to sublimate these new activities.

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I hate telling people these things but I desperately want to get better and I’ in the process of getting a new therapist since my last one didn’t help at all and was just telling me to look at sites instead of listening to me.

I’m also very sensitive to textures, and once I find one I like it’s a struggle to tear myself away. I have tried to talk to my mum about not buying these sorts of things but he says she has no willpower and does so anyway. My dad refuses to go on the diet with us and picks up things for himself and just leaves them out in the open. I have not discussed with anyone the death of that person because my therapist would rather talk to people with more complex disorders, and my parents never take me seriously.

No, the meds were not suggested by a doctor. If I ask to see a doctor my mum says I’m exaggerating or says ‘ok’ but never calls them. I don’t know how to make appointments myself (something I’ve gone into more on another post). Before taking the meds I would read or watch youtube videos to fall asleep, but they’ve been less and less effective as the years go on. The other night I barely fell asleep at 6AM with a debilitating headache because I hadn’t taken the tablets, then I went downstairs to find them and discovered my mum had hidden them from me.

I want to become fitter like when I was younger. Things really fell apart for me when I dropped out of high school and then a major death. I just want to be able to go outside and walk my dog or talk to people without worrying about how they view me. I draw and write but lately I’ve been losing motivation.

I’ve tried to develop a sleeping pattern for years, never worked. My mum suggested the sleeping meds and bam I was hooked.

Just wanted to say firstly, thank you for sharing.
I had to just say you’re an awesome person to open up.
I have problems with food and i sadly have no advice there but can stand with you on the struggles. I can only tell you that you are strong and can stay strong while going through this to work your way to making those food choices that you know are best but it’s so darned hard! I know you can do it! You are not just the food you eat.

As far as sleeping pills. I was addicted to pills for years the pills were of a similar type as sleeping pills. When i tried coming off of them, i was in a rehab. I still take sleeping meds but the sleeping medication i take is different now than it was then. I am not saying it can become an addiction if i would use the wrong type again, but i finally talked to my doctor who prescribed the pills and we found something that helped and that something was a medication. I don’t don’t know you are at an addiction or not, I’m not there with you in person. But you are coming forward and you want to simply get sleep. You may have people helping you, so at this point i think talk to your doctor and a good therapist can help you sort through the things that can just help with sleep hygiene to keep you from potentially needing the sleeping pills.
Sometimes our bodies can’t physically create the endorphins it needs to sleep, it gets hard. And if you already know how your body is dealing with these endorphins then it can be very productive to be super honest with your parents, a doctor and get a therapist if you don’t have one because the trained professionals can put it all together well.
It is the little things you’re doing that are helping you step ahead and protect yourself. Keep the people in your life who are able to keep you accountable will be very valuable, and the fact you reached out is an amazing first step.
Hopefully i helped encourage you, my struggle with pill addiction was difficult and i think you can positively use a holistic approach right now to work through the issues because you came forward and have such strength to acknowledge it. Maybe do some sleep journaling and give it to the doctor as well as that will help them know what exactly will help and a therapist can get an amazing head start with that from my personal experience.

You matter, you are loved and you are cared about greatly.
Thank you for sharing

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From: e_thehuman

you’re worth the help it takes to get through this! Thank you for being here and sharing your heart with us

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DeVille,

I am so sorry to hear you are struggling with this right now. You are very brave for opening up about this, and I know how hard it can be to talk to others about your struggles and even to ask for help.

My mother-in-law and sister-in-law can’t sleep well if they don’t take their sleeping medication either. For them, the medication is not an addiction, but it is something that helps them to be healthier and get the sleep they need. Medication is there for us to use to be healthy, as long as we have a justifiable need for it, where our life would be miserable, painful, or unhealthy without it. If you are using it for the correct purpose (to help you sleep), then you may not actually be addicted to this medication.

You could also talk to your doctor and see if there is a less-addictive medication or alternative that you could try to help you get to sleep instead.

I hope that you are able to overcome this stress and worry quickly.
Cyber

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Thank you so much for this insightful reply. I will ask my mum about chatting to a doctor about the addiction, because the meds given to me were prescribed to her, not to me. I told her I didn’t want to rely on pills but then she convinced me and that was that.

I don’t have a professional therapist atm because my old one wasn’t working with me.

Hey @DeVille , the guys covered your topic on stream! Here’s the live video response

Hold Fast

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I’ve asked to see a doctor and to discuss this with them as per suggestions from people replying here. I’d like to say I’m not addicted but I’m getting major withdrawal symptoms if I don’t take them, but I’ve recognised it early so I’m trying to take the steps to wean myself off. Thank you for the suggestion to ask for less-addictive meds, I didn’t realise there were some that could be less-addictive and I will definitely ask.

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