I feel so trapped. For so long I’ve had to deal with people’s opinions of me. By middle school everything I did was to have a good future. I guess I use it as something to fill the emptiness I feel. Recently my parents told me that we had to give my dogs away. I think that’s when it all went downhill. It seems like my parents won’t let me be happy. Like they don’t care. My dogs helped me get out of a dark place so getting rid of them is like getting rid of my supper. Ik that they’re just dogs but they’re so much more. They don’t judge me. They just love me. It feels nice knowing my dogs will be there. It only got worse whenever my parents basically told me they didn’t care. We got into an argument and I’m not surprised they said I only add onto their stress. I can’t help it. How can I not get upset whenever they yell at me and make me feel so terrible. It’s more of my mom then anyone else. She always was the one telling me that I was getting fat, had no butt, and pointed out my stretch marks. She’s the reason that I’m not confident and hate myself. If she only knew the damage she did to me by saying and telling me all that stuff. School isn’t even an escape at this point. It’s my hell too. My teachers expect so much and then belittle me too. I’ll never be enough for anyone and my friends are constantly now telling me that I’m being mean to them and I don’t try to it’s just so normalized to me. I can’t wait to go to college and I’m constantly saying that I never want to come back once I leave but ik I will out of guilt. For once I’d like to do something for myself and not because people expect me to. Idk what to do anymore, To even keep trying in school or never leave home. I just wish I could talk to someone about this but they’ll never understand because they don’t know how my mom is.
I am sorry that you are experiencing this from people in your life (and about your dogs). I know that words penetrate deep and can so drastically alter they way we think and operate. But you are amazing, talented, and worthy!
I know it probably doesn’t seem like this know but there is so much more than school and what your teachers are expecting of you now. And while yes not slacking off is a good thing etc. You need to take care of yourself first. Our school system fails us in this. It makes us push ourselves to the brink of extinction because all they teach us is that if we don’t excel there than our whole lives are ruined. THAT’S A LIE!!
It’s hard to do what you need to do to heal yourself and be kind to yourself when it goes contrary to what other people think. But sometimes its that brave step that can save our lives and our mental states.
This season isn’t forever. I believe in you, who you are, and your future - no matter what you are going through now.
You are loved! Stay strong!
P.S. just a random thought that just crossed my mind right now… have you thought about maybe volunteering for an animal shelter or something like that… so you can be around dogs and other animals that love unconditionally?
I’m sorry you’re going through that. I know this isn’t for everyone, but have you considered seeking out counseling? You may be able to get that at your school, otherwise you can have a 1-week free trial of BetterHelp online counseling through HS.
I never thought my relationship with my parents would get better. I thought I would go to college and cut them off because they didn’t exactly accept my sexuality and we disagreed about a lot of other things. Just this year (I’m in college) I “re-came out” and have put in the hard work of being more open with them. Don’t get me wrong, I still strongly disagree with them at times but my relationship with them has gotten tons better overall. Unfortunately that’s not the case with every family, but I hope this happens for you too.
Hold fast <3
Thank you it means a lot. I’m definitely trying to work on mental health but at times it can be difficult. As for the dog shelter, I have volunteered and it’s definitely one of those things that make me feel better.
To be completely honest, counseling scares me. I don’t really like opening up about my feelings or my thoughts but I will definitely look into it. I don’t know how open my parents would truly be to hear me out and understand. At times it feels like they ignore me at all costs.