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Advice on intuition?

Hiya! Hope everyone is doing well today. We are agitated as always, but we just realized we have more questions than answers that we ask ourselves every day, so we decided to see if anyone could answer our questions.
I’ve noticed one thing I always do, and it’s forgiving people I care about. I make excuses for their mistakes and try to ignore what they did wrong and put it behind me. While it’s healthy to forgive and forget, the thing is they never change. And the next time I deal with them it will just get worse. Because of this, I avoid people and block my empathy for only certain people. I know I have terrible intuition or just high empathy, but either way it causes me to easily get over horrible things people do. What this does to me tho is I tolerate it until I can’t, and then explode, or I tolerate it until the other person goes as fucking far as to convince themselves all their problems are mine and talk shit about me ruin my friendships, take away everything that makes me happy, harrasses me etcetcetc. Because of this, I started fragmenting my mind.
My headmates are better at being wary of people than me, and they have kept bigger eyes on people than I can. Since I’m an emotional cinnomanroll, I cannot easily detect danger when it is there, but even if they can, they still have an issue of what to do about it. Like say if you experience having a shitty coworker or classmate, how does one go about doing what they need to do without forgiving them or hating them? The only cure to empathy is disgust for humanity, but I’m learning when you are working with people all the time, you can’t exactly ignore or hate them, so you just tolerate it. I know that but, I can’t see the difference between tolerate and caring about someone. To me tolerating isn’t an option unless you’re out for revenge or you truly hate them, and after a while of talking to them you see that they somewhat have emotions and it’s hard to hate them for their stupid things since you can read them more. So tolerating just ends up turning into talking which turns into caring. You have to constantly remind yourself that they are bad. But in that essence, wouldn’t you be the bad one? No. I think no one’s evil in that sense, but they are toxic, and that’s the main reason you have to avoid them, but that comes back to my problem. How do you avoid someone you can’t avoid? And, why is this bothering me so much? Ive already learned time and time again that people and inherently shitty, so why is this so difficult to keep remembering? I mean if I was honest and told a shitty person about my life or be open about my personality and identities, they would just call me crazy and treat me like shit. Whereas I’m FUCKING KIND TO THEM, no matter how fucked up they are, which I’m working on stopping now, because when you’re unconditionally kind to them and then blow up on them when they do something that’s too much they think even less of you for whatever reason and think you’re stupid. I don’t understand why people do this, but then again, people are retarded. I lower my bar for humanity every day. And why do I always tend to like people that turn out shitty?

Also I’m getting a psychological evaluation soon. Did my clinical interveiw but since my mom was with me I didn’t open up about the sexual abuse in the past bc I never told her. I’ve just now kinda realized that I’ve been sexually harassed and assualted more times than I can even remember. Thanks to my friend I have come to realize this because I would have never figured this out on my own and I never brought it up with my headmates bc I didn’t think it was a problem. Apparently tolerating a creep for more than over 5 years can actually desensitize you to how fucked up people can be. Who knew! I’m fucking dumb. Didn’t know I was experiencing sexual harassment until my 30yr old mom friend was like “Hunny, that’s sexual harrassment, not even that but just fucking disgusting and creepy.” Ofc I wouldn’t know this bc I’ve never had proper fucking friends. Istg every Gen-Z kid is absolutely fucked up in the head and idk why. Like they’re all fucked up insane psychopathic little freaks. And it’s prolly why my intuition is so fucked bc I grew up thinking it was FUCKING NORMAL.
But yea, if anyone can explain to me wtf to do I’ll be happy to listen. Got work tomorrow and don’t wanna deal with this shit yet again. Like srsly wtf humanity wtf did we ever do to you. I hate being here. Humans suck.
-X

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Though it was an emotionally overwhelming, triggering, and stressful experience and I’m frankly, absolutely sure it would be times more so for you, I advise you to… God, I can’t believe that I’m actually suggesting this idea to a friend… That you read the bloody book titled The Gift Of Fear.

Even though it triggered my little sister so bad that she climbed out the window.

Bloody hell, read that book if you feel like you need intuition bad enough, which, you surely do but…

I love you and care about you and I don’t want to wrong you by suggesting you read that book.

I love you so much and I just wanna be there for you…

I’m sorry…

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I can’t agree that people are inherently shitty. After all, you are not shitty. I know a lot of decent folks. It does take quite a bit of time and experience to identify them.

It is surprising how few people are truly well adjusted. After many years of working with families, have come to realize that very few exist that are within the range of “normal.” That’s why it’s easy to assume that people are inherently shitty.

Maybe it’s helpful to consider that people who are shitty (behave badly) are doing so out of ignorance, very negative social conditioning, and quite possibly because of modern stressors, actually have impaired brain development. At least that’s what a lot of researchers believe.

If a person is born with a physical deformity, no one holds it against them. If a person injures themselves, even if it’s as a result of doing something stupid, generally speaking, no one tries to make them feel guilty about it. Similarly, when a mind is “injured,” and its owner behaves badly, does that person deserve negative judgment or condemnation? I know it’s really really hard not to be pissed off at people who act like idiots, but it takes an emotional toll, and does nothing to help the idiot either.

To put it another way, brain damaged people are behaving as though their brains are damaged around you. Symptoms of their mental defects are among other things, being offensive and treating you badly.

You absolutely do not have to take it personally!

I have a feral cat. He’s a huge orange thing, with the longest fur I’ve ever seen on a cat. His name is Frankie, but I usually call him either knucklehead or asshole. He earned those additional names by being very unpredictable, acting very friendly and affectionate, then suddenly scratching and biting, drawing blood most of the time. Amazingly, I remain convinced that he has genuine affection for me and I continue to love him. After seven years, he’s not biting and scratching so much anymore.

My 20-year-old cat dragged him into the house. I think she picked him up out of the yard, and my only guess as to how he got there is that he may have been dropped by an owl or hawk. He was very tiny, about the size of a four week old kitten. He had a thorn lodged in his mouth, which no doubt made it impossible for him to eat. We took him to the vet, where he received an IV, for antibiotics and hydration. After that, he had to be quarantined for a couple of weeks to ensure that he had no viruses or possible rabies.

I suspect that the scratching, biting and drawing blood is the result of being taken from the litter to early. Part of kitten play is to teach each other, with mom’s help, when the play has become to rough. Frankie did not receive that peer reinforced teaching. He also had a very rough start in life. So, although I call him asshole sometimes, I do it without resentment, because I realize that his behavior is the result of extraordinarily harsh circumstances in early life.

I have told you this cat story because it’s a suitable metaphor for how we can choose to relate to people who are assholes. You really don’t have to take it personally, nor do you need to harbor resentment.

You have a profound desire to be empathetic and compassionate. That makes you an absolute treasure on this planet. Sometimes you will care about someone who will in turn “scratch and bite.” Hang on to who you are, regardless. You do not need to remain vulnerable to the bites and scratches. You have a right to protect yourself.

Perhaps you can define assholes as those who have a wisdom deficit and are in need of healing.

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I will read it, where can I find it for free?

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That is the problem though, I need to stop making excuses for other people’s problems. I shouldn’t have to remind myself of someones issues just to keep my own sanity. They need to take responsibility for their own shittiness. I’m so tired of being the “bigger person” and just putting up with it. I’m so tired of empathizing with them and letting them continue to hurt me. I’m so tired of people taking up for them when in reality they’re sick in the fucking head and need to be shown that because that’s the only fucking way they’ll learn their lesson. But no, people want me to continue letting myself get dragged around by them and just “deal with it” I’m SO fucking TIRED of it. It doesn’t matter what the reason is that they’re being shitty, THEY ARE SHITTY. I’m so tired of thinking “Well he/she has this problem so I can’t just blame them for how much of a dick they’re being to me.” does that sound right to you? No, it doesn’t. And I’m so fucking tired of it. All it does is hurt me.
The point you made about the cat does not equal people to me. I don’t see animals as anything close to how fucked up people are. To me animals are pure and have actual reasons for when they hurt others. They haven’t spent their life raping, killing, and bullying people for fun, yes animals do that, but you only see that in the more advanced or “human” animals like chimps and fucking dolphins. Cats can be dicks but they’re not going to ruin your life unless they’ve been abused enough by other people and attack you randomly for it. The only reason most animals hurt others is for food, territory, a mate, and to protect themselves. They do it for the most pure reasons, and if they so happen to attack you they just think you’re on the menu or were raised improperly. They have the most pure intentions, people are corrupt down to the core. Maybe not all people, but we all have a little demon inside us. But hey, YOURE SUPPOSED TO CONTROL IT. Don’t fucking blame me for your own issues if you can’t control yourself. I have no reason to empathize with these people, and idk why I do. I just wish I didn’t change my mind like this every day. When I woke up this morning my brain decided to bless me with every terrible memory of what soemone has done to me. Those times when people would punch me because “I was annoying” or gang up on me and tell me to just kill myself bc I was already a fucking ghost as well as all my friends. Fucking telling me “Huh, you’re not so annoying when you don’t speak.” When I became more shy around people. GOD. I FUCKING. HATE. HUMANS. The only reason I talk to them is because they’re the only thing on this planet that can speak the same god damn language, also because I don’t have a pet and can’t have a pet until I move out of this stupid fucking house. The only people I can deal with are very very few. And they tend to be the only people on this planet that seem alive to me. Like you guys on this platform for example, you guys are aware of your issues and that’s why you’re here, you want help, and you want to help. Not many people are like that for some reason, and it’s really dissapointing. There I go again, have to lower the bar. Can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to lower the bar already.

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Well… I do have a pdf of it that I could email to you, but I don’t know if you’d be okay with me having your email address… what do you think?

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You can’t just dm it to me?

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Lemme know if u can dm it to me

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Also, I appreciate that you consider me a friend, that means alot. You’re my friend too, if that’s okay? •~•

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There really is no need to make excuses for other people’s problems. Their problems are not your problems. Empathy elicits a measure of understanding and compassion towards messed up people or messed up critters but that does not mean that you need to remain vulnerable to being injured by them. Refusing to let them hurt you is actually a more practical manifestation of empathy.

I talked about the cat because I wanted to take moral judgment out of the equation, while at the same time giving an example of how rough beginnings can result in future dysfunction.

Most aggressive, obnoxious, fearful, selfish, greedy, prejudicial, reactive, and just plain shitty human behavior has its origins in prehistory. They are actually basic survival strategies that have been become perverted and destructive over time. Since prehistory, humans have passed on a legacy of cruelty, suffering and pursuant to their greed, willful ignorance and brutality.

Children continue to be born into a culture of ignorance, insensitivity and cruelty. Some transcend such beginnings and become decent people. For others, genuine decency doesn’t exist within their frame of reference. You can get angry about it all you want, but it will accomplish nothing, except to make you feel shitty.

Remember that common bit with the Three Stooges, where Mo would turn and slap Larry, who would then turn and slap Curley. It’s an entertaining bit, but it’s based on real life. Too often, when a person is hurt, they will in turn hurt someone else, who will in turn react the same way, and so on.

This is where you are different. Instead of passing on the pain the way so many do, you are sitting with and absorbing it, and refusing to past the hurt on to others. By doing that, you are faced with trying to figure out how to unload your emotional response to being hurt.

With your level of insight and wisdom, it may be true that you are less annoying when you don’t speak, because when you do, others may not have a clue as to what you are expressing. Ask me how I can relate to that!

Because of my work, I have become largely desensitized to the insults and threats I’ve received. They can be irritating, like a yappy, ankle biting dog, but I’ve gotten pretty good at shaking them off. I can still feel empathy for such people, but I don’t cut them more slack than they deserve.

I hope you can find other friends, with whom you can have a more thoughtful relationship. I do believe things will get better for you when you gain greater independence.

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I agree with you but to me for now at least, empathy seems like a sickness. I love caring about people until I realise the things they do when one is not watching, terrible things they do. That’s what scares me away from people.

Never watched the 3 stooges but I always found it funny when ppl acted like it lmao. I don’t want to pass the hurt but the issue is if I don’t I might take it out onto myself. There have been times when I was so angry I wanted to hurt someone and instead I just hurt myself, because I didn’t want to do something I’d regret. And getting out the pain on something alive would be the only thing to make me feel better. I couldn’t just punch a wall, I couldn’t just punch a pillow, I had to feel the pain and the pressure in order to know I hurt something. I needed to know what I did hurt so I felt like they learned a lesson, but I just did it to myself. And I’d feel alot better, but I had a hell of a mess to clean up.

Heh, yea I have a hard time talking to people because of the way I think. I can’t just talk about normal shit, if I’m truly comfortable I’m talking about life and philosophy, love and traumas, or just how the world is nowadays. If I feel awkward I’m mainly just asking about someone’s favorite weather or biome, or asking them the most interesting questions I can like “if a bubble was angry what would it look like?” being an artist gives me alot of ideas for questions, but most of the time they just weird ppl out.
I wish I could be desensitized to insults. I can only do that if it’s someone I’m close to that always talks shit to me bc it’s just their personality, but when it’s someone that doesn’t normally do it or does it in loud amounts of anger it digs deep into me.

I would love other friends, because of how nice it is to have company. I just want to find people who just care about me the same way I care about them, but don’t scare me. Someone sane enough to have enough control to not be a creep.

-X

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It’s hard to find really good friends, and even when you have them, you might as well count on them disappointing you sometimes. One test of friendship is how well it recovers when you piss each other off. When you talk about someone who doesn’t normally do so, makes hurtful comments to you, it’s still their problem and not yours. Consider that it’s “just their personality,” even if they say such comments less frequently.

I hope you do find some friendships in which you can be comfortable being yourself.

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Here is a link to a PDFs of the Gift of Fear: https://7dit0as6tz.pdcdn.xyz/dl2.php?id=39893700&h=68751a0c06ca6063da42f92a0ffd1b14&u=cache&ext=pdf&n=The%20gift%20of%20fear

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