From genesis500: Hi
So recently I’ve been battling an addition to porn and masturbation, which has gotten worse. When I’m in the mindset to masturbate I don’t think straight and definitely not normal. I’m currently dating someone and have been for two years. Yesterday while I was masturbating for some reason I thought it would be good to contact me ex. It started of innocent but then some comments were made about sex, I finished and then realised what was happening, I then deleted all the messages, cleared the chat and blocked her. She then managed to find my current girlfriends profile and try to add her, which I assume was to tell her about what I said and probably show her screenshots. I then lied to my girlfriend that she was trying to get in contact with me and that she needs to block her. Eventually she does and everyone is safe and sound, but I’ve just been feeling really guilty over it I made a terrible mistake, and I don’t want to lose her or her love, I’ve taken it for granted and hate myself, she’s a lovely woman who’s respectful and kind, but she’s dating me who’s thick in the head and can’t think straight, ik my addiction is cause of this, but I don’t know if I should tell her about this, nothing advanced so it could just be labelled as innocent and nothing came from it, but I also worry that if it comes up in the future, and if I will feel guilt for a long time bc of it.
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From genesis500: I need some help on this=
From genesis500: Please===================
Hey Genesis.
Thanks for reaching out about this and getting it off your chest. Sometimes that is the biggest step to take.
You mention in your post that you struggle quite a bit with porn and masturbation despite being in a relationship and how it sort of changes your thoughts. At one point you messaged your ex while in one of these moods and things devolved from there. Your ex now has reached out to your current girlfriend and you’re in a tough spot.
It makes sense that you would feel this way. Addiction is an especially difficult disease to combat and I really empathize with how hard that must be.
Seeing that you’ve posted here three times seeking advice, i want to be up front and say that I don’t have incredible sage wisdom necessarily. I haven’t been in this exact spot before.
The first question I have is - what steps are you taking to combat this addiction, if any? My second question is, does your partner know you have this addiction?
Honesty and communication are key to any relationship - you’ll see this plastered on posters and people’s instagram profiles, but there is a lot of truth to it.
You mention that you want to tell her but “nothing advanced so it could just be labelled as innocent” which reads as “I wish to deceive her so that i don’t lose her.”
If that is the route you choose to go, can you ever really expect her to be truly honest with you about things? Is that the foundation you want your relationship to sit atop?
I think these are things worth thinking about. And then, perhaps seeking help for what you’re struggling with is a good place to start - together.
Hold fast. You can do this.