Afraid of loosing my friend

What can I do? I am afraid that something could happen to my friend. She wasnt since hours online and usually we call on friday evening but she wasn‘t there. And later she plays video games but she isn‘t doing anything of that. And the point what makes me even more worrying is her really emotional msg this morning.
I am getting insane because she doesn‘t write me and I am again close to a panic attack. I don‘t know why but this got me today really hard and I don‘t know how to deal with it anymore because its night and there is no one else I could talk to. I am close to cry again but I know that I would make everything worse.

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Hey @Zicke576,

It is absolutely okay to cry when you are feeling so much stress - and even more anytime you feel like it. There are emotions we feel that can be very intense and need to be released. Crying is a healthy way to do so.

I’m so very sorry that this situation is distressing you so much though. If this friend is someone you know “in real life”, then it could be good to check in with them physically (or ask someone close to them to do so, like a family member). If they are an online friend, it is truly unfortunate that you can only rely on the faith you could put in them. I have myself felt very helpless sometimes, knowing someone I love was hurting and potentially in danger but also having no way to support them more physically. What gives me comfort though, is to believe completely in them and their ability to make the right decisions, to know that they are loved and can come to me if they need.

I have no doubt that your friend knows you are a safe person to them. They know they have a confident in you, and that is priceless. If they are struggling, this very knowledge is going to still be there with them, no matter what. They know they are not alone. Though sometimes giving someone the space they need is also a beautiful mark of love.

All in all, if you have objective reasons to believe they might hurt themselves, and if you know where they live, it is okay to call either people close to them or the police to ask for a welfare check. It can be intimidating, but if there’s a real danger, it’s always better to prevent than cure. If you think your mind is tricking you though, that objectively your friend might just need some time on their own to breathe and recharge, then you will also need to take care of yourself as much as possible to handle the stress it causes. In any case, it is essential to breathe, to try to rationalize as much as possible, especially when there are many “what if” scenario that must be rushing in your mind.

You are an amazing friend for caring so much and staying aware of possible behavior changes. Not everyone does that. Make sure you take of yourself too. Helplessness can be extremely distressing, though recognizing what you can and what you can’t do is essential, because you don’t deserve to torture yourself with things you cannot do.

Keep us up to speed about what’s going on, if that is okay for you. You’re not alone. Deep breaths, friend. :hrtlegolove:

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Thank you so much. I tried to relax a bit and don‘t think about the worst. I ended up to sleep at least a few hours. My parents doesn‘t allow me to take the train to look for her bc I don‘t really know whether my mind is tricking me, so I am not sure about to call the police. I asked another friend of her who is in an exchange year whether she heard something but nothing and even her boyfriend didn‘t hear anything. He said he will go to her apartment. We called for an hour I guess. He couldn‘t go earlier because he was sleeping. She doesn‘t have any family over there. I hope that her boyfriend responds fast and tell me whats going on.

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You’ve been doing so well by reaching out to people who could check in on her/help you help her. It’s really good that you’ve been weighing the options there at different levels. Hopefully you will get some news very soon, at least to ease the stressful scenarios and distress you’ve been feeling. I’m very glad you managed to get some sleep as well, it’s so important.

It is unfair to “just” have to wait when we care about someone like this. Rest assured that you have done what you could today, and you really have made good decisions there.

Hopefully before you get any update you’ll have the possibility to relax again and eventually distract yourself if necessary. A good movie, a book, a game, art, exercising - whatever suits you personally and can shift your focus for a bit.

You truly are a wonderful friend and I am grateful that this person you’ve mentioned has such a caring ally by her side. :hrtlegolove:

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He didn‘t text or call me back for a few hours as well. He said she isn‘t at home and her dog either. He tried to ask a few neighbors but they don‘t wanna talk to him. I talked to my mum but she still doesn’t allow me to take the train to get over to her but she said I can try to call the closet hospital to see whether she is there.
She is in the hospital but I don‘t know more because they didn‘t want to tell me. I shall call again tomorrow. I am still so worried and afraid but she is alive and that‘s one of the most important parts.

It‘s so unfair that I have to wait and can‘t do anything. It makes me sad and I desperate over and over again until I have an panic attack.

I was in vc on discord for 2-3h I guess and it was perfect to relax a bit. Even you don‘t see it, Thank you so much!

Thank you as well to you Micro!

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hey zicke!

i am relieved to read these updates that your friend is still alive and that her team of doctors and nurses are caring for her to their greatest ability. i know how stressful and helpless this whole situation is for you and while i wish there was something that could be done, you are doing the best thing you can for both your friend and you: staying calm and caring for yourself. although you can’t be there for her physically, having yourself be in a good mindset for when she returns from the hospital will be vital to her journey of healing.

as someone who has spent a significant amount of time in the hospital, i know that messages and cards from my friends and family truly kept me going when my own life was on the line. so be there for her when she is online or can respond to messages, keep her in your thoughts/heart, and take care of yourself. you are doing your absolute best for both yourself and her. hang in there and know that your friend will return to you in no time. sending you and your friend so much love, healing wishes, and thoughts. and thank you for being an amazing friend full of care, concern, and love. she is lucky to have you in her life.

love,
twix

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Hello, Zicke576! This was quite the rollercoaster you’ve taken the last couple days. I’m glad you found your friend and that she was relatively safe and is being taken care of. I hope she continues to improve and that you will be able to see her soon. And I hope you continue to do things to care for yourself and keep yourself calm and relaxed while you are unable to help her.

You are an amazing friend to be so concerned and to have had the instinct that something was amiss that you followed through on to find the truth. I wish the both of you (and the dog) well. Keep being the kind friend and person you are :hrtlegolove:

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In the evening I called the hospital again. She tried to kill herself but her dog saved her. I am so happy that she got this lovely, helpful and smart dog. They don‘t where the dog is but I remember that she told me about an old lady who living in her house.
She is still not stable but doing better than when she get in. She won‘t leave directly when she fine again. They wanna work on her mental instability. Hope she gets better.

Thank you so much for your support @DustintheWind, @twixremix and @Micro

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