Hey @RealMrOoof,
I believe this is something we can all relate to in our own way. When we think about it, it’s scary to realize how much time is given to us, yet we get easily stuck in our routines that makes it fade away so quickly. Too focused on our work and/or studies, our family and friends, our hobbies and technologies… yet in the end none of this remains. It seems that we don’t really use our time as we should… but is there a rule regarding how we’re supposed to use it anyway?
You’re facing some very important feelings, doubts and questions right now. Questions that are, in my humble opinion, tied to the meaning of life. Not its meaning in a generic sense though… but what’s meaningful to you at this time of your life. How to define your purpose in this life? What are the things that give you this spark of joy, motivation, that bring you this feeling of contributing to something and being connected with the rest of the world, with others? It sounds that, right now, you’re at a crossroad. You acknowledge the things that are getting less interesting because the reason why you do it seems to be gone, or at least fading away. And at the same time, you’re wandering, thinking about opening new doors and trying to find again this inner spark that you used to feel before.
It’s a scary thing to acknowledge as we can feel very lost when this kind of realization strikes. But at the same time it’s a very exciting opportunity! You’re being aware that something’s not working anymore for you, that you need something different, something more. With covid, lockdowns and curfews especially, I bet many of us have been feeling this since we’re mostly stuck at home repeating the same actions everyday, more than before. We’re more likely to get drown in routines that become automatisms. As human beings, there’s a time when we need to feel inspired, to recreate ourselves one way or another.
It’s beautiful to be able to slow down, to take some distance and say: “Hey, something’s not working for me as it used to. NOW I see it.” For some of us, we can be so engulfed in our habits that it takes a lot of time to be aware of it, and it gets harder to get rid of the guilt that goes along with the fear of losing our time. But here you are! Acknowledging, questioning, and about to wander, to create the change that you need.
I don’t have any particular advice either, because I believe that finding your purpose and what’s meaningful for you in this life, and right now, is something very personal and intimate. Though I’d like to encourage you to try to be in tune with yourself in times to come. What’s your heart telling you? What is it craving for? Oftentimes, there’s a little voice inside of us that keeps repeating what we want and what we need, but we rarely akcnowledge it as it deserves… For what’s its worth, I personally find that reading books is pretty helpful to train our mind to catch this inner voice. Once you open a book, you give yourself the possibility to read something that will resonate with your heart and make you reflect on things about yourself that you didn’t even guess before.
Sometimes, introspection has its own limits though, and we need to jump into some action, to catch the flow and see where it leads us… It can be a dead end, or you could also open a door that would lead you to plenty of new opportunities. Have you any dream left aside? Any desire you’ve been ignoring just because you’ve felt like it’s not the right time, or because there’s this x or y reason preventing you to try? Do you have any fear holding you back in your life? So many times we don’t even dare to try because we believe that we’re not going to succeed anyway. Just a few open questions to meditate on.
This is likely to be a new season in your life, if you’re willing to reflect on yourself. Be curious, without any judgment. Look after all those shades of your heart that have been staying in the dark for too long. There’s a part of yourself that’s longing for finding you. And learning to meet your own heart is one of the most beautiful ways to use this time that’s given to you, friend.