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Afraid to Sleep

My nightmares have come back. They’re all about him. My mothers ex. The one who touched me inappropriately when I was only 14. The one who almost started beating on my brother for protecting my mother. I’m so paranoid that one day I’ll get a text from a number and it’ll be him. I’m scared it’ll be him with a new number that I didn’t know about and had no way of blocking. I’m scared that one day he’ll show up on campus and do something to me. I’m terrified that I might have to face him again. I never want to see him again. He’s a scary guy. He traumatized me on multiple occasions. He was super close to flipping his lid all the time when him and my mom were together. I’m scared that something will snap in him that will lead him to me. I know my fear is causing the nightmares and that’s causing me to be afraid to sleep. I don’t want to feel the intense fear I do when the nightmares occur. I can’t handle it especially not now. There’s too much else going on. I don’t know what to do. I’m extremely sleep deprived and I know I am. I just want the nightmares to stop.

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I’m so sorry this happened to you Fae. The past really can haunt us and take over.our dreams and it feel horrible to have no control of this.

I mainly hope but also do believe that he would not ever come back for you, most exes stay that way and tend to move on, so I do hope this is true in your case. He would gain very little by trying to contact you and if he did try to , you could report him and get him investigated (again something he wouldn’t want)

Have you told anyone about what happened to you? Your mum , a teacher , a professional. You might have PTSD and getting help for this will be good for you. It might not be a true fix but it might at least help with the sleep.

I’m also going through a similar thing and I am getting help for it. Sleep is a really hard thing to fix and takes hard work.
Less caffine , cool temperature room , writing down worries and a sleep diary have all been something I’m trying .

I hope things improve for you. This is not forever. You can get through this. You got this !

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Could you install a camera somewhere? If just over your bedroom door, so that you know there will be proof if anyone ever barges into your room unexpectedly or unwantedly.

The trauma sounds very fresh with you, and I am so sorry that you had to go through this sort of pain and fear. Do you have friends you can stay with for a few days who can “keep watch” while you sleep? Or sleep in the same room so there is someone there and that can ensure you’re safe?