After being 12 days, 20 hours, 6 minutes and 22 seconds of being clean of self harm, i finally succumbed to self harm today. Honestly I really don’t know how to fucking stop, Before even a second month started, I couldn’t hold myself back from hurting myself. It’s too much pressure… I don’t even know what to do with my life anymore, it’s all goin downhill from here, from remembering the people who saved me from taking my own life and that they took theirs too like (im sorry yall if these names hit too close to home) Chester Bennington of Linkin Park(he was my fucking HERO)(and at that moment i really believed that my life was gonna end short, i mean HELL he was the only person keeping me alive through his music, through his songs and I just BROKE, SHATTERED on the floor in a million tiny pieces when I heard about his death) and Kim Jonghyun of SHINee(i never got to know him and SHINee really well(i literally entered the KPOP genre December 10th, 2017, 8 days before he sadly took his own life) but once i heard about it, it hit like a rock and it hurt like hell like A LOT of hell, as i said i never got to really know about him but there’s not a waking moment where I didn’t wish he would be here, my heart genuinely hurts when I hear that someone has sent themselves to heaven) and thats not all, i just cant name anymore. K so back on track, it hurts every day knowing one day, I could possibly lose another. I don’t know how long I can stay strong…
@xxbrokenheartsxx congratulations on your record , i will not feel bad cause you broke it… i will only give you positive energy to make it double this time 
i believe you can do it… a small thought i don’t know if i overstep i wish i don’t… go to a remote location where nobody can hear you if you scream… and scream your guts out! scream and while you are screaming close your eyes and visualize that you released all the tension everything negative that you have in you holding you down… feel it leaving your body and visualize that that force is hitting all the trees and everything else there is around you and after that scream feel the peace and quiet and listen for all the “alive” things that are there… feel the trees moving in peace and birds (if any) and open your eyes… look at the world like you are looking it for the first time… every detail… hope i helped … kisses
Chester’s death hit me hard too. Especially his connection to Chris Cornell and that he committed suicide on what would have been Chris’s birthday. It’s a reminder of how connected we all are. Although it seems like we suffer alone and in silence, we really impact other people in ways we don’t even imagine.
I think if in hindsight Chester saw how much we all grieved for him (and still do) I believe he would not have given into such a dark moment. I also believe that you can be strong. That you can pick up all your shattered pieces and begin again.
I believe EVERY moment is a chance to begin again - we just have to NOT to what Chester did - suicide ends any possibility of beginning again.
You can do it. I believe in you friend. You can withstand the storm. Keep breathing. 
It’s always hard when we lose people that make a difference in our life. Even entertainers and artists. They bring us comfort and through their work we find understanding and feel less alone. It’s heart breaking how we have lost so many.
Friend, I am really sorry that you are having a hard time right now and that you felt like you needed to self harm. I was just telling another person in the community that last spring I too had a relapse. I hit a really dark time in my life and just lost control of my emotions. Later I beat myself up over it and felt ashamed. In fact I wrote about it on the wall just to release my feelings and it ended up being covered in stream. I felt comforted by those in the community but still quietly felt ashamed that I even did it. I am not longer ashamed, I know I am human and we sometimes hurt. But I do know that it isn’t the healthy way of resolving my feelings.
I started to read ReWrite to help overcome the way I was feeling. It’s a book and guide for those who struggle with self harm. I worked through it until I felt better. I feel pretty confident now that I have overcome that part of my life and have been able to heal and move past it. Maybe this book could help you connect to why you feel like you need to do this and maybe help you over come it.
There is also Dwarf Planet. I am currently working on that one actually. Another gal in the community joined me and were going to try to connect once a week to read through it. These books are excellent resources.
I’m going to put a couple links here for you okay?
Here you can find Dwarf Planet, ReWrite along side some other resources: https://heartsupport.com/resources/
An app to help with self arm: https://calmharm.co.uk/
A meditational app that helps with mindfulness: https://www.headspace.com/
Some relaxing music to help calm the mind: https://rainymood.com/
Stay strong my friend. It can get better. <3 There are also lots of people in the Heart Support discord to connect with when you get feeling the urge to hurt yourself. So many people can relate. You don’t have to fight this alone.
- Kitty
I’m sorry to hear about the relapse, friend. Please, don’t be too hard on yourself. Relapses happen sometimes. Being self-harm free is rarely a straight road. 12 days, 20 hours, 6 minutes and 22 seconds is absolutely awesome! It’s a lot. It’s a huge, huge step. You’ll manage to get back on your feet and be self harm free longer next time. You are progressing. Every moment, second, minute that you spend without harming yourself is a success and it makes you stronger. I am proud of you for being on the road for recovery. You are brave and I believe in you.
Music is so powerful. So many talented artists with unique stories that resonate with ours. I’m glad to hear how much it helps you. But you’re right, it hurts to see those you consider being your heros disappearing for such unfair reasons. They may not be here anymore, but they left a legacy that will always remain. Their music will keep guiding and comforting many people around the world. The heart they put in what they created will keep beating in the ones of those who’ll listen to their music. Also in yours.
Sending much love your way.