I have a very strong urge to steal some of my mom’s cigarettes and start smoking. I don’t know why. I just wanna do something REALLY stupid. Like… drugs. Or something else that could potentially lead to getting in a lot of trouble or death. The thing is that I’ve already been addicted to stuff in the past, and I really don’t feel like starting something else, but I REALLY wanna do something stupid and just mess everything up.
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Hmm, well im glad you recognize that those things would be dangerous to do! It almost feels like you’re a bit bored with your current life. What other ways could you introduce some of that same excitement without the danger?
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To piggyback off of @anon58690617 , I have recently picked up some hobbies that I have never tried before, but always wanted to. It really helped me to focus all my mental energy on something I was passionate about. So, is there something you’ve always wanted to try, that you could start doing now- like learning an instrument or playing a sport?
Honestly not really, I’ve already started doing everything I want to do. I play 5 instruments easily, I draw and animate really well, I’m not a sporty person or anything. I don’t really have anything I want to do that can pick up.
When I was a young teenager I felt urges to start smoking. No idea where it came from. No one in my house smoked. I would dream about smoking and wake up with my throat sore (probably heavy snoring in reality). It wasn’t for self-destructive reasons like you’re describing (though I had those types of urges later in life), it was more about chasing an imagined sensation and satisfying curiosity. Those urges would scare me. I mean, I knew better and had no good reason to have them, where were they coming from?
It was never an issue of imminent danger because I didn’t have access to cigarettes. I didn’t have any hobbies like music or art, but I read a lot. Instead of pouring my self-destructive energy into something else, I picked up a book and escaped the demons for a little bit. Reading got me through some rough times in middle school. Things changed when high school beat the love of reading out of me, but that’s another story. My two cents: if you get self-destructive urges, redirect into something that consumes your whole attention and escape for awhile. I think you should reflect or talk out what’s going on to try to understand it and find a long-term solution, but redirection provides an immediate solution to acute episodes.
Maybe it will be helpful to understand why you feel the need to do something risky. Is it because you’re bored, or is something else going on that you are having a hard time dealing with? Also, I want to remind you that you are worth so much and you don’t deserve to be doing things that could hurt you, your life has importance even if you don’t do “stupid” things
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