ahhhhHHHhHHHhhhhhH crap

today i had my emt course and we had to perform in front of a good amount of people, i was nervous but it was so intense due to the fact i have felt nothing these past two months. i havent slept in a good week now and i can’t stop wishing i was dead or not living my life. i want to run away and keep running. but i dont want to run away from you, you, the girl i feel something for. not sure what it is but its something. and idk if its a bad feeling or not. i wish i had cocaine or heroin. something to fucken make my heart beat fully. im so tired of myself and everything i have become, everything i should be, and everything i was. i want to melt. to see myself slowly sink into my wooden floor. to see my apartment one last time before all i am is a wet spot on the floor. i need a drink and i need you to tell me it won’t be better and i should just end it right now. i cant tell myself that bc i cant even believe myself half the time. so
tell me im not worth it
and i should die
i shouldn’t have you
or any of the opportunities given to me
tell me
im nothing but a word
people forget words all the time when they dont use them
so wash me out your mouth
and never think of me again

Hey @tylerbye,

I’m sorry I’m going to dissapoint you. Because of the following reasons:

You have worth and value.
You don’t deserve to feel so much pain.
You matter.
You don’t deserve to die.
You are loved.
There is hope. And there is hope for YOU.

Please, if you never shared your struggles with someone, consider talking about it to a doctor. Just lacking of sleep can be really triggering. You don’t have to deal with this exhaustion, physical and mental, alone. No one here want you to die. We want you to be safe. Your struggles are real and I’m sorry you’re dealing with such painful difficulties. So please, reach out to someone you trust or seek professional help. It’s okay to do that.

You are not alone. Hang in there. :heart:

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