I just got out of a year relationship with someone in the military. We were friends for 4 years before we dated. It ended horribly. Communication was a huge factor in this. But I was blamed for everything and never really got to express my feelings. He ended everything over txt right before thanksgiving which was even more painful never really wanted to face me in person to work or fix things. Sad thing is I ended up apologizing for everything and he never apologized for his mistakes. Made me feel like everything was my fault. It felt like this relationship was nothing. I gave my heart to this person only for him to say my feelings was bull****. I feel like it’ll never get better. My anxiety and depression have spiraled. My health declined because of this. I have no idea how to get back up. I cry myself to sleep every night it feels like it will never get better.
Geeeeeeez, this sucks so bad friend…to feel like your friendship and relationship were not only destroyed but that you were blamed for the whole thing…which even though you know isn’t true it hurts so bad to think that someone that you loved and gave so much to could treat you this poorly, could discard you this easily, VIA TEXT…that they would just throw you to the wayside and dump it all on you…what a brutal end to something that at one point was so beautiful. I’m sorry, friend. It’s so hard to carry on in the remains of something that held so much importance in your life. To feel so brutally alone in the midst of the holidays, like no one could even understand the depth of pain, like you’re unreachable by the love of others…it is such an icy loneliness…
I remember losing the love of my life in college…feeling like a hollow shell as I walked through my days…and any time the pang of loneliness hit, the only person I knew to talk to about it was the very person that was causing the pain…so I ate the pain and only grew more bitter and more alone. It was a brutal time in my life. It did get better, and I know you know that it will deep down, but in the moment it felt like I would never be able to shake the hole in my heart that this person left. It felt like I lost all of me.
But the truth is that you are so much more, so much more important, so much more valuable than one person could ever define.
Thank you for sharing your heart. I hope that even a fragment of our shared pain could remind you that you aren’t alone in this, even though it feels like it. Your broken heart matters, AND it is not alone in its pain. You can get through this. You will get through this. And you don’t have to do it alone.
-Nate