My friend was killed in the line of duty and I’m learning it’s not my fault. Getting better. New album helped
Gosh, that’s so brutal…I’m so sorry to hear about your friend…and then the burden that you carry in the wake of their loss…it’s so easy to beat ourselves up about the bad that happens to the people we love…I had invited a friend into my apartment who was on hard times, and they ended up robbing me and leaving while I was on tour. I come back to an empty apartment, and I feel like it’s all my fault – I could have / should have done something more to help him feel secure / healthy while I was gone, etc…a lot of times it’s easier to try to make sense out of the pain in our lives by blaming ourselves. We learned somewhere along the way that we deserve the blame, that it’s our faults, that it’s easier to assume that we’re to blame. And so we learn it as a habit, and when things happen even when they aren’t actually our fault, we blame ourselves because that’s really all we know. I’m glad that you’re finding freedom from those feelings. It’s not your fault, friend, just like it wasn’t mine. Thanks for sharing 
It will get better with time as time heals all wounds. You have to live your best life and carry on their memory. Do your best to push on and make them proud
Feeling stuck is a normal thing bud, your friend is a brave person and you should feel proud of his bravery. Never forget him.
After years of drug abuse I never felt I would find a way out. I was trying to rebuild everything about myself in a day. When I started appreciating the gifts I had in life one piece at a time- things started to become tangible. I’ve been clean from drugs for 2 years and ultimately things aren’t perfect but they are better. Build your cathedral one brick at a time.