AILD Fan #94

I feel like I let everyone down around me. Work, my kids. I’m a recovering addict and I have a better life today. But I feel like I’m just spinning my wheels and never feel accomplished. And my past decisions have drastically effected my oldest son’s ability to live and cope.

Regret’s a bitch. It sucks to feel that the life path you’ve chosen now doesn’t get to undo the pain that your choices from the past have caused. It sucks to feel like you can’t make it up to your son, can’t fix him, can’t undo what’s been done. Even though you desperately want to, to just feel so powerless over the past…gosh, man, it’s a crushing feeling.

On top of that, to feel like you’re at a place where your forward progress in life has stalled and you don’t know how to get momentum back on your side…that’s the worst place to feel because you’re stuck facing a lot of the thoughts you’ve been able to excuse because of your progress…to face the regret, to face the feelings of inadequacy, to face the fear…it’s a tough place to be.

I can relate to a lot of this. I am a recovering addict as well, and I struggle facing myself when I’m not making progress…currently, I’m trying to exercise the belief that I am loved regardless of my success or failure. It’s hard, but it’s the center of the fight for my heart, and I’m trying not to get derailed from that belief when my life doesn’t feel like I “deserve” love.

You’re not alone in what you’re facing, man, and like me, you’re loved regardless of what you produce.

-Nate

Keep your chin up, keep moving forward. Any progress, no matter how small, is still progress. Accountability is always an honorable characteristic and there’s beauty to be recognized in that.