My husband has reached a new level of bullshit. He’s no different than at least his mother in narcissistic behavior and so much manipulation. It’s always my fault and I need mental help that his was fine until I came along and opened wounds that never fully healed back up for him. At this point I want to leave but I’m scared to. I don’t yet have a job or my license or a car. All I have are my belongings myself, my child and a broken spirit and a contingency plan. My sister and dad will make it work. Because things at this point will never change. But also I’m scared what him and his family will do once they know I left him. The harassment will get worse and they blame everything on me because I was always the problem because he can’t do no wrong. How many chances is too many chances. I just wish it were all a bad dream that I would awake to. Wondering if all my health issues are from him and his family. Just not sure what to do at this point. I don’t know who I am anymore other than a figurative punching bag and a mommy to a wonderful little boy who keeps me going day in and day out. I’m so broken.
I’m sorry that you’re going through so much hell. It sounds like he is a chronic/professional victim, which is another way of saying that he is subjecting you to emotional abuse, in order to maintain his delusional self-concept.
Your choices seem fairly straightforward. You can remain where you are, suffering, with little hope that things will get better. Or you can take advantage of your contingency plan. That probably will lead to difficult times, but eventually things will settle down. So, you can suffer forever, or suffer for a time. One of those choices offers a chance of being reasonably happy. What is better for your son, a mom who is always unhappy, or one who has endured hardship, then found a place of peace?
My ex blamed me for for everything too. For the most part, I believed her, so I thought I was doing her a favor by separating. Then she went around town saying terrible lies about me. Fortunately, she didn’t convince anyone. The coming apart was rough, but it was well worth it.
@Wings we are trying marriage counseling for a last ditch effort. I just want him to see it’s not me. That he has a mental issue and has a hard time seeing that and accepting he’s not right. But like I told a friend if it helps but it can’t last forever. Plus I have a quarter of hope because he’s very good at putting on a Fasad and a show. He’s most definitely good at playing the victim and pining for a pity party. Plus he’s losing control so he’s lashing out. If this doesn’t work I can honestly say I don’t want another relationship for a very long time. Ugh. I didn’t want to go through this abuse again.
I made a lot of last ditch efforts before separating from my ex. I went as far as totally abandoning my own needs. It still didn’t work.
When my 18 year relationship came apart, I swore I’d never be in another one. A couple of years later, I met my current wife - 28 years ago. We’re still happy and thank God for each other every day.
@Wings that’s a lovely new beginning. I’m only 27 and I’ve been through so much, too much. I just hope maybe if a trained professional says something I said it might open his eyes. I’m too young for all of this and so is my little one. It’s so not good for him. I just wish my husband saw all I did for him and what I need in return
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