All these assumptions about me

[fiji]

What bothers me a lot is that people assume all kinds of things about me that are simply not true and they just don’t understand it.

I don’t even say anymore that I am tired, because everyone just looks at me and says stuff like, „why are you tired? You do nothing all day!“ or „then just go to bed earlier“ or „you are just lazy“.

Everyone tells me that i am extremely lazy, just because I work only part time and because I do not do al lot of things outside my home.

They call me lazy because I am overweight and because I don’t work out everyday.

They say I don’t try enough and if I would just actually give it a shot, I would be happy. They say that I an easy life because I work for my dad and I can work form home whenever I want to, also because I still live with my parents.
They say that it is no wonder I feel bad, because I listen to „bad and angry music“, and some even say that the these metal bands are „having mental problems and glorify suicide“.

They tell me that I am a bad Christian because I don’t go to church every Sunday or read my bible all the time or don’t particularly like what is considered worship music. They say I am not a Christian because I am depressed and because I don’t have a „job“ at church.

And my favorite is, they say that I am not suicidal, I am just an adrenaline junkie who likes a near death experience (aka suicide attempt) and that I am a narcissist because I tell close friends that I am not okay when asked how I am doing.

However, the truth is, I am exhausted all the time because I cannot fall asleep at night because my brain just won’t shut off and my thoughts never stop. I am exhausted because being alive is all I can do right now, and I just don’t know what is wrong with my body (neither does my doctor by the way).

The truth is that I am not lazy, I have a hard time doing anything because this lovely thing called mental illness is constantly reminding me that I cannot do sometime or of the worst outcome possible. I am not lazy, I have a part time job because that is more than enough for me at the moment and I cannot do more than that with the capacity I have right now.

I try to lose weight and work out, but it is not that easy and that does not mean that I am lazy and don’t move. My life is not easy just because I have an easy job and don’t have to work all the time. Try living just one day in my head and you will see how difficult it is to live my life; depression and anxiety is no fun and certainly nothing easy, and I live at home with my parents because I know I cannot trust myself alone right now and that I would live a very unhealthy and even more unproductive life.

The truth is, I don’t always go to church because I just cant always make myself leave the house and being around people drains me a lot. I listen to music that I love, and it these assumptions about bands and people just make me sick.

I am certainly not what they say about me, but it hurts me a lot.

It is those nights where all these assumptions run through my head over and over and over again, that I believe that they will be better off without me. It is those nights when I want to prove them all wrong.

It is a night like that, that made me realize that I am insignificant in this world and that no matter what all these people say about me, I will never make a difference or be able to educated them.

And trust me, I am trying as hard as I can.

[Obversity]

Fellow introvert and insomniac here. Being around people is super draining for me, and sleeping at night has always been difficult. Honestly, congrats on holding down a part time job. Doing that with depression and what sounds like potentially chronic fatigue issues is a good effort, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I certainly fared worse than you during most of my depression years.

Ignore the “Christians” telling you you’re not doing faith right. The Christian thing for them to do would be to express empathy and understanding, and offer any aid they can to help your mental health situation. The fact that they think belittling you is the better course of actions says a lot about them, not about you.

(Out of curiosity, have you done much research on sleep? Give “sleep hygiene” a quick google if not. Good habits are super important to sleep. Experiment with it a bit over the course of a few weeks. The worst that could happen is it doesn’t work.)

[TheMouseThatRoared]

I relate to your post a lot. People make assumptions about me that I am lazy and neglectful because I never do much outside. Truth is, I struggle a lot with depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. I could never tell them that, though, because I’m sure they’d use it against me.
I also have a part-time job, one that I find amazing and I couldn’t ask for kinder people to work with. Sometimes I wonder what I’d do without it, or if I had a full-time job. Because, with all my other issues, a part-time job is all I can handle, too.
I also live with my parents. Aside from my mental health issues, I just don’t think I can take care of myself adequately right now. I can’t seem to handle all of my responsibilities and completely take care of myself, too.
I am also Christian; I happen to be Catholic. While I haven’t necessarily had Christians say negative things to my face, if they found out how I sometimes behave, or the music I listen to, or the books I read, I’m sure a lot of people would pass unfair judgment.
And another similarity, I’m always tired, no matter how much sleep I get. I suspect that I might have sleep apnea, and I’ve made an appointment with my doctor in hopes of figuring out what’s going on.

I’m of course not perfect and often make assumptions or judgments about other people, too, but I try not to because I know how much that can hurt. I try to be as understanding as I possibly can, and look at things from other perspectives. We never know what battles others are fighting, so we should always be kind. But I’ve found that the general population doesn’t really see the world that way. They’re so wrapped up in self-centeredness that they can’t even try to imagine what it’s like to be in someone else’s shoes. A lot of people don’t give a crap about hurting others’ feelings as long as they feel justified that things work out the way they think they should be.

I believe you when you say that you are trying as hard as you can. It can’t be easy when it feels like the odds are always stacked against you. I hope that you can find relief from your troubles. I hope that even if the people around you right now refuse to learn, I hope that you can find the support you need here and in new people that will come into your life.

Please take care. I hope you figure out what is going on with your fatigue and I hope that you continue to enjoy the things, like music, that bring you relief. I hope that your mental health gets better. Please keep speaking your truth. People here at HeartSupport are willing to listen.

[fiji]

Hi! Thank you, i appreciate your reply…
Yes, I am trying to have a good routine at night, but it is difficult for me to maintain it properly. I do have something now from my doctor that is supposed to make me fall asleep. At the moment it only takes 1 hour to fall asleep instead of the 4 it usually takes… we’ll see for how long it works for me…

[fiji]

Thank you.

I agree… i try not to make assumptions or judge others, but sometimes it happens, i mean we are all human… but with that said, i try to understand why people do or say things instead of just assuming my assumptions are correct.

I hope you figure out what is going on with your body ad that you find a solution that works for you.