It’s a little strange for me to write this. I never shared my problems on the Internet. Even now, when I’m wirting this I shake from fear, but let’s try it.
I am afraid of people. Years of living alone, with no friend or really anyone that would give a damn about me, changed me into such an anti-social that immediately, when I go out of my apartment, I get struck with anxiety.
For a passed three months now, it got even worse. Right now when I am in my apartment I get anxious, simply by my neighbours. Either they drop something on the floor, or someone walks with their shoes on, or even says something a little louder, I immediately get stressed.
Recently I got back to my therapist and we both agreed that I need to go out to people. BUT I CAN"T! Everytime I even think about talking to someone I got stressed. Everytime I see a group of people, the anxiety kicks in.
I really, really don’t want to feel that way. I’m so fed up with being alone, I don’t want to be alone anymore.
But I can’t, I can’t do anything about it.
Thank you for reading and sorry if it is too long. As I said, I never shared such things on the Internet.
Coming from someone who self-isolated on a weekly basis and diagnosed with PTSD, I completely feel you on this. Everything puts you in a panic if it’s unexpected, too loud, or too “in your face.” I was supposed to start AA meetings but I can’t because of the foreboding that the whole room will be staring at me. I don’t like being the fresh face or doing introductions. It’s all too much, but what makes it worse is when I feel absolutely alone even though it was done by me. So now, although it doesn’t work in every situation and still hasn’t gotten me into an AA meeting, I take deep breaths, use mindfulness, and use grounding techniques before leaving the house. Same thing before speaking to people because if I try to start off without it I just start saying weird shit that I immediately regret. You have every right to be afraid of the world, but do not let the fear conquer you and keep you from the things that keeps us human.
I never have the world’s greatest advice or even make sense have the time, but I believe in you. And this is a good starting point of getting yourself comfortable with human interactions. Hold Fast, Friend.