Alone in my apt during the holidays @kitboga

I caught strep and Covid this week. So I’m quarantining alone. This is the second time I’ve caught Covid. I have no family in the state I’m living in. My closest friend lives 4 hours away.

2021 really took a hit on me. Covid, being dumped after a 6 year relationship, isolation, developing mental health issues due to the pandemic.

Just seems like I can’t catch a break.

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Hey @Hellotran,

Well done for reaching out today and sharing what’s on your heart. This whole pandemic and lockdowns have been affecting so many of us negatively and increasing a deep sense of loneliness. I am so sorry that it has coincided for you with the end of such a significant relationship. Not only you had to grieve, but you’ve been forced to survive and be strong on your own. It should have been so different, and I hope that joining in here could help to break down this isolation that has been taking such a huge toll on you. I know it’s not exactly the same as connecting to people face to face/physically, but I’d definitely encourage you to keep relying on safe online connections with others. It has been life saving to me personally, in a context of lockdowns, unemployement and having my partner for only social contact, as my family lives in another country. The lack of future perspective is still very discouraging at times, but we can still try to use all the tools that are at our disposal in order to reduce this sense of isolation.

I’m leaving a few links to invite you to be part of our community in different ways, if you’d like to. No pressure, no obligation. Just know it would be an absolute joy to see you around and learn to know you better.

Thank you for using your voice today. I hope you will feel a little better soon, at least physically, just so you can have some rest. The next steps may have yet to be figured out, but we will be there to keep encouraging you. You are not alone. I see you. I care about you. :hrtlegolove:

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Hiya @Hellotran Thank you so much for your post, That is really horrid that you have gotten sick with strep and covid, I truly hope you are not too sick and that you are able to look after yourself properly, I am sorry you are spending Christmas in Quarantine, this virus is just awful but I am grateful that you are well enough to be at home and not in a hospital bed, Please use those links that @Micro has given you if you are feeling lonely, there are a few of us, myself included that are staying home this Christmas and will be around on discord or on here if you are struggling so use them.
It really does sound like you have had such a rough year, im sure many could relate to your mental health struggles due to the pandemic sadly its not uncommon although that does not make it less important, it just means there are more people that you can talk to about it. I am also very sorry about your relationship, it does seem like you cant catch a break but that is a feeling and not a fact thank goodness, I truly hope that as the new year comes in your life will turn around for the better and if you choose to keep in touch which i hope you will, we will get to hear that you did indeed catch that break and you are much happier for it.
much love
Lisa :heart:

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I really hope that you find ways to connect with those who are important to you while you are quarantining. I also hope you find ways to find new things to enjoy. You are valid. You are worthy. You are wonderful. Sending all the good things your way. :yellow_heart::yellow_heart::yellow_heart:

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another way you could look at it is this:
you’ve survived covid twice, and strep, and even all the isolation!

you’ve survived a breakup too, and you’re still going. So many things hitting you all at once, but look at you, surviving, out here posting and opening up. There’s so many victories in here that are from these hard times. You survived all this, and I think you’re going to thrive and grow!

You’re so incredibly strong and resilient, and maybe your mind is taking a bit of a break to just flood itself with some sad juices. Reach oout to people, keep talking to us, join the streams and discord, etc. We’re in this with you

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Hey,
That’s sounds horrible, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You’ve been through so much this year and you aren’t the only one here who’s suffered from this horrible pandemic.

I’m sorry you have no break from all of this, it’s a really tough situation you’re in. It may feel right now that this won’t stop, but eventually things will get better. And reaching out here is a big step :slight_smile:

For now rest, and don’t push yourself too much. You’re in a situation where you need to love yourself and care for yourself, things will get better as long as you keep taking the right steps <3

Stay safe and take care,

-X

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I’m so sorry to hear you feel alone and like it’s one cruddy thing after another :frowning:

Is there a way you can treat yourself a little bit during your isolation? Can you do something totally self indulgent and ridiculous because it’s the holidays damnit and why not?

Maybe watch some old cartoons from your childhood with some sugary cereal dropped off safely via DoorDash? I treated myself to some nostalia flavored Spaghettios the other day. It was like $.50 and goofy but it was a nice little break.

When things seem really big and insurmountable I like to try to do something small and stupid to just remind myself I’m a person and that little things can still bring joy :slight_smile: Hang in there, it def sucks but it will get better!

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Absolutely love the suggestions @joykit - definitely treat yourself as much as possible during your recovery. You freaking deserve it @Hellotran. :hrtlegolove:

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Hello friend, thanks for sharing what you’re going through. I hear you, and I’m sorry that life has been so unfair to you lately. You’re not alone in what you’re going through, though it may be hard to see or feel that.
It sounds to me like you might be feeling beat down by life, but from what I am reading from your post, I see that you are such a strong person. Life has thrown so much at you, including some serious illnesses and you’ve overcome each obstacle. I’m so proud of you for that.
Even though you’re home alone, I would suggest reaching out to the people you love and staying connected.
I’m holding you close to my heart during this hard time, Take care of yourself and I’m wishing you a speedy recovery.

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Y’all really warm my heart. I appreciate y’all for just existing in this little corner of the internet and share your warmth with everyone.

Yesterday was a heavy day. And it was such a blessing to read all y’all’s posts. I definitely went to bed with a lighter heart.

Yesterday I made the mistake of telling my ex that I was quarantining and sick. And he kept asking if I needed anything, he’s about to start surgery for a patient but he’ll leave I needed him. He asked if I wanted him to swing by tonight.

And in the moment, it sounded so good. You know to have that feeling again. Him caring for me and being nice to me.

But as the day went on the thought of him was so consuming and overwhelming. And by the end of the night when I took time to care for myself that I realized he’ll say anything to keep me in his orbit. And he knows that as long as I need his help, he still has a hold of me. I had to remind myself that these past 6 years, I’ve always been second to everything in his life. And that if he truly does care for me, he would’ve in the relationship. And wouldn’t hurt me the way he did.

I think the realization of how awful he treated me and made me feel so little and hopeless is more painful than the act itself. It’s almost like he wants me to know that I can’t live without him.

I was doing so well until he reached out to me again couple of weeks ago. And now I feel like the break up just happened and I’m back to where I started.

I’m still not in a good headspace right now. But I’m taking steps to take care of myself. :slight_smile:

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I’m rooting for your health and wellness! You got this! Many positive blessings to you. I hope the healing light shines in you and you feel better very soon! much love to you my friend!
and remember, you are all you need to make yourself feel good! You are a wonderful ray of light and deserve happiness !! Stay hydrated and think positive. You are super strong and it shows!

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Thinking of you today @Hellotran. Merry Christmas, friend. I hope you’re hanging in there as much as possible. Also that you are already feeling a little better physically.

I think the realization of how awful he treated me and made me feel so little and hopeless is more painful than the act itself. It’s almost like he wants me to know that I can’t live without him.

That is very hard. We all crave for affection and care - it is normal. But sometimes to the point of accepting things that are not okay, by pushing them away and ignoring them. The very fact that you’ve been through this thought process after contacting him speaks a lot in terms of personal growth. Of course, there is this first feeling, this first urge and comforting sensation of being connected to what could have been - and to what you legitimately deserve. But then there are also the memories of what was not okay.

It takes a lot of strength to acknowledge that, to be honest with ourselves and not only dive into the emotion of the moment. The fact that it hurts is, somehow, part of a process of grieving that might be still ongoing for you. But you are not only reacting with your heart. You are also able to rationalize and distinguish what is fair or not, what you are deserving of, which is genuine and unconditional love.

The pain remains, but the fact that you are not jumping into his arms is really, really strong. Think about how it would have been before, when you were still with him. You’ve walked many steps in the meantime. You have grown, a lot. That is worth to be acknowledged too.

I’m proud of you for taking care of yourself, for embracing this new outlook that you have as well. :hrtlegolove:

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I’d say that the fact that you can take care of yourself and look at it objectively and realize that he’s trying to keep you in his orbit is SUPER GROWTH.

You’re not just being swept away by feeling and getting lost in his tricks.

You’re seeing the tricks now, understanding the strategies, and REJECTING them because you now know what your worth is and it ain’t being second all the time!

The pain and hurt came back fresh, yes, but you’re not in the same space, because you’re literally not the same person. You’ve gotten wiser, and you’ve gotten stronger.

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Wanted to update everyone - I made it past the holidays.

Sometimes I feel like I can’t make it to another day. Other days I look back and it’s like whoa that happened 6 months ago?

I still have heavy moments and wanting to cry but it wasn’t like how it was before. And for that I’m thankful.

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