So basically, the girl I was taking to keeps “not feeling social” after I opened up to her about a lot of heavy stuff. This was a girl I wanted to be with since high school. I waited 10 years for a shot with her and now it’s looking like that’s not gonna happen if this trend continues. I also started to get to know a friend of mine and like we both thought the other was super cute and interesting and then she left me on read. This is making me feel like somehow I’m a fuckup because not once am I able to hold a healthy relationship down wheather it be as friends or something more. The only ones I can get to stay are the ones who either emotionally, mentally or verbally abuse me. I just feel like I’m unlovable and won’t ever find that perfect someone.
I’m sorry that things are not going as you hoped. That really seriously sucks.
I know right now it probably feels like you are unlovable, unliked and like this maddening cycle will never end, but don’t beat yourself up and feed yourself destructive lies. You are important. You matter. It may not feel like it in this given moment because you are being pushed away. And that’s totally understandable.
Finding friendships and romantic relationships can often take more time than we’d want. Not every person we cross paths with works out. Some do for a while and then drop, some don’t work at all, some are a rare gem and stick around. We have to learn and grow from those relationships that fail and flop and become stronger from it.
Probably doesn’t help much right now.
You are not a fuck up.
Things are just crappy right now. And I’m so sorry friend. Please don’t give up hope. I know when people keep letting you down that it’s hard not to. But you matter. I don’t know you but I care for you. And I honestly hope that someone will come around and show you that you are valued.
Don’t keep around those mentally and emotionally abusive people. They will feed you lies and bring you down. I know sometimes pushing them away can leave you feeling alone, but it’s temporary and it’s better to push away from that.
I wish I knew more what to say to make things feel better. My heart breaks when I see people feeling so alone. I care.
Hang in there sweet friend. It will get better.
Hold fast. Okay?
Thank you. I have a tendency to always go worst case scenario in my head and then freak out. Your words helped a lot. I gotta remember things will work out in the end. I just freak out easily.
It’s okay, I freak out easily too. You’re human anyway. You’re allowed to feel how you do. One day at a time ️
There is nothing shameful about being single. If anything it is better to be happy and than in a toxic relationship. I am in a somewhat similar position right now so I can sympathize with what you are feeling. Here are some of the things that have helped me move forward.
- Training. It releases endorphins, helps you work better, keeps you healthy and can make you feel a lot more confident in your body. Definitely worth looking into if you don't train or play any sport.
- Aim to have genuine interactions with women instead of viewing each new girl you meet as a potential partner. The former promotes meaningful change whereas the latter can make you seem creepy.
- Know your own worth. Don't let another person ruin your image of yourself. Their opinion of you has no impact on what you have the capacity to achieve as a person
- Don't be tempted to use hookups as a means to fill the void. They really are an outcry for intimacy that more often than not do more damage than good
I am still working on the above but I know that you and I can move forward and improve in the future without needing to worry about a long term partner. Don’t give up, no-one is unlovable.
@Bcrit, I’ll try to explain some possible explanations for the girls’ behaviour.
This girl you were talking to may be feeling after all you’ve told her is that when you may need her, she won’t be able to help. Maybe she feels like she can’t be a good enough person for you. Or she may just need time after what you’ve told her. Another possibility is that she saw you and this other friend of yours and thinks you’re not interested.
This friend of yours who left you on read, I think you should talk to her and be honest. It may seem a bit uncomfortable to, but if she cares about you she’ll listen. Ask her why she just left. You deserve to know.
I understand about feeling unlovable. But trust me, the reality is you can’t live or die by what other people say and think. It’s nice and fun to have people liking you, but at the end of the day, you have to like yourself. In life people will try to hurt you and let you down, and you just gonna lean on yourself. Sometimes all we have are ourselves. So take joy in who you are. You will find someone. There’s many, many people out there. The important thing is to keep yourself open and take care of yourself.
You may feel like a fuckup, but EVERYONE has issues in some way or another. You’re strong and you’ve lived through awful relationships. I don’t think that’s fuckup.
Never give in <3