No Xanax tonight.
Brain is thinking on it’s own again.
Never say always. How I hate that word god I hate that word. I would pay a kidney to have it removed from the world.
I’ll always be there for you
I’ll always answer the phone
I’m always ready to listen
I’m always happy to hear from you
I’ll always be here for you. A lie, no one can- physically - we all pass away anyway. Or we move. Or mentally… when we let down people or they let us down. But the word always was said. Why would we say such stupid things? When we know we can’t always. Why would people say that to us, when it won’t be always?
I know it’s intense to hold them to that. I meant it thought. I know this is all vague and a bit hardcore. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Naïve? Intense? Too stressed out?
I found my therapist from when I was 19 yrs old. That’s long ago- she’s actually legit and has her own office and several others who work with her- like a therapy firm? I could get her or another one who works for/with her… So with all the baggage I have… with all the people who think of me as crazy or who said always to me. Or who have said things that made me regret telling them I was thinking of seeing a therapist. Things I don’t even want to repeat. I have no idea if I should try. Not to mention the last time I sought helped I ended up wanting to die and it was like putting lemon juice on what those always people told me…
Not that they will find out but still… it just feels embarrassing to seek helps out in the world now. And what if this therapists makes me want to throw myself off a cliff too? What if my family finds out? What if the always people find out too? I can just imagine what they would say… It shouldn’t stop me but still… wouldn’t it proven them right if I can’t fix myself- myself?
I have good friends now. But they say always too. And those always people were good friends back in the day too…
I like to look at things from another perspective, because that gives me some space from the “me” ness of a situation.
Seeking help is a brave step. In my country, it’s still a bit taboo and weird to say that someone needs help even though we have professionals who are trained to help!
If you broke a leg… would you sit and home and try to have a smile on your face while you will your leg to heal without any treatment? When a cavity goes crazy and you need a root canal, do you sit and think happy thoughts and the hole in the tooth repairs itself?
When your brain chemicals go haywire, do we sit and think happy thoughts and wait for them to go back into the correct order? nope. When we try and can’t fix it, we go to those who are trained to fix the problems.
Look beyond your family and close-minded “friends”. The world has a lot of people who never needed mental health support before now, but now are struggling. I thought I “was fine” with my new normal, until the day I realized I was on autopilot and making bad choices because I was just drifting through life.
So i’m saying go get the help you need. You had a therapist in the past when you were 19, and it sounds like you trust her? If the therapist you have now doesn’t cut it, try another one. Confidentiality is a cornerstone of their practice.
This was my pep talk for the day don’t try to fix the broken leg or fill the root canal yourself if you think you could use the extra, qualified professional.
We’re here for you, cheering you on, and here to listen and help you through it, whatever you decide to do.
You matter, you know I believe when I say it, and you deserve to be happy and healthy as possible!
I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt when they say “always” when they are committing themselves to some action or loyalty. Look at marriage. It’s an “always” contract/commitment between two individuals, yet about half those relationships come apart. The thing is, when those commitments are made, it’s usually in full sincerity. Considering it objectively, it’s impossible for an “always” commitment to be valid, for exactly the reasons you stated.
Committing to always being or doing something isn’t rational, but it’s based on emotion and deepest sincerity. Sometimes an always commitment actually does work. A few marriages survive. Some alcoholics say they’ll always be sober, and they actually are. A lot of people always have good intentions, even if they disappoint themselves and others.
When people say they will be there for you, then they are not, it’s usually a case of them failing to meet their own expectations. In any long-term relationship or friendship, such disappointments will occur. The friendship is strengthened when the individuals work through the disappointment, and grow closer as a result.
It’s rare that a relationship with a therapist isn’t at times disappointing. Remember, the therapist is actually working for you, therefore you have a right to express what you need from that person. From what I’ve seen, therapists learn a great deal from their patients. That’s how they become better therapists. If you have a therapist who is not a good listener, or has an overbearing ego, that’s when it’s time to find someone else.
It’s probably more rational and honest to say “I want to be there for you always.” There are a few things I would feel pretty safe in saying I’ll always do, but they are based on things that I’ve always done. However, I don’t talk about those things. Instead, I demonstrate them.
Even if people can’t live up to those promises, at least it’s a good indication that they care about you.
Thank you for that- That is a VERY wise point of view and in a way I hadn’t thought about it. It makes me feel kind of selfish - since I do only see my point of view in what I am saying. A clearer head today I re-read what I wrote and it’s just emotions coming out full throttle. Lately I decided that my own way to minimize the future damage would be to expect to be let down.
I’m not saying oh don’t be friends with this person because he said always. But not believing it and moving on as friends - and then losing said friend is… well easier than actually believing always or even believing they want to overcome that disappointment. Because many don’t care about that disappointment or slide it under the carpet, never to be seen again or play victims or place blame and so on or don’t even want to talk it out and yes that’s what had happened… And if things are too risky - like losing more than only a friend - like a house you bought together- a joint bank account- mutual friends. If the stakes if you lose are too high… I don’t bother.
I’ve set my mind to : being in relationships ( friends- lovers) is the same as going to the Casino
Don’t bet more than you can afford to lose
I can barely handle my anxiety and over thinking mind sometimes. I can’t afford to lose more to someone else
don’t try to fix the broken leg or fill the root canal yourself if you think you could use the extra, qualified professional.