Always the same when I speak up

The feeling of inadequacy and shame is consuming me. Every time I speak up I feel horrible after. I want to take it all back, disappear in a black hole.
Today I told my partner that I wasn’t happy with something. “Ok” is all I got. I felt disrespected. But he said: “I said ok!”
It had to be the end of it.
I couldn’t leave it there, I wanted to be heard. It ended up in a fight and all was my fault.
It’s always my fault.
After a while I believe it and then I collapse.
I go into self-hatred, doubtful ness with myself.
I don’t want to live like that anymore. I’m s too much pain… am I worth nothing?
It’s always echoing in my head…


Oh friend. My heart goes out to you. This is so relatable to me and I just want to welcome you with open arms right now, with all your vulnerability. You are enough just as you are. Really.

You are not worth nothing. These moments are just very tough. It’s similar to some kind of emotional triggers that bring us back, almost instantly, to a very deep and vulnerable part of ourselves. A part that remains insecure, fragile and full of doubts. It’s hard to stay calm and not to feel the urge to keep communicating when you feel that something wrong happened, even if you know that it wasn’t the case. Just hard to be 100% rational during these moments. It’s not your fault. As you said, it’s about feeling heard, accepted, loved, which are valid needs, it’s a need for connection, but those needs that can also imply to address them in a way that would be healthier for you.

I personally believe that there is something very powerful in acknowledging these patterns in which you feel stuck and helpless. It’s something you just did by posting here, and you can be proud of yourself for that. This is about communication, relationships, also our own type of attachment. I’ve learned through my adult years that the way I’m attached to people is rooted in insecurity because of the environment I grew up in. It’s something I still carry like a burden as an adult… but the more I understand how it works, the more I understand my reactions, the more I’m able to be more rational when an interaction seems to “trigger” me, and the more I can choose how I respond to it.

Just today, I was almost in tears because someone encouraged me to change my perspective about something. It was very loving, not aggressive at all. But I received it as something that made me feel like I failed at something, so I was suddenly very ashamed of myself. Physically, it felt like I did something wrong, that I was stupid while they pointed out something obvious. Internally, I’ve started to blame myself for being a failure. Jeez, to the point of crying while nothing wrong happened! But then I realized how my mind started to spiral just because there was an intense, physical feeling of fear and vulnerability that I couldn’t control. These reactions were learned somehow, but we can also learn to react in a healthy way when it happens. It may take some time though, and also to seek professional help, like counseling with a therapist. DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) especially happen to be incredibly helpful on this matter. Just a friendly suggestion. <3

You are not worthless because you are learning to figure out how to interact in a way that would be both healthy and safe for you! We all have our own cracks, pieces of vulnerability inside of our heart. Relationships and communication especially, are extremely complex and made of so many different contexts. Though you can learn, at your own pace, to understand yourself and how you react a little more. And with the help of a therapist or the right resources, you can learn new ways to deal with these emotions when they arise.

You’re not less than anyone. You’re only human. Your needs are the ones we all look after! But we all have a unique way to learn to address them, just because we all hold a unique story. :hrtlegolove:

The result of this interaction is unfortunate, but nothing awfully wrong happened there, even if it feels differently. Please be gentle yourself, as this is likely to drain your energy. It hurts, but this could be a learning opportunity. Why you reacted that way? How did that make you feel? What’s the reaction you wish you had instead? Are the type of question you can try to ask yourself, as a beginning.

You are safe right now. You are loved dearly. You are enough as you are. :hrtlegolove:


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