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Am I allowed to say I wanna die?

I am a 16 year old male that goes to school in a little town in Virgina. I would say Ive had a pretty nice life plenty of oppurtunity and my parents helped me a lot. But for some reason my heart and brain just don’t think so, and ever since middle school around 7th grade Ive wanted to end it. I don’t know why I have these feelings and I don’t want to have them anymore, but they don’t go away. Recently I was heartbroken by my girlfriend of a year when I went over to her house for her birthday as a surpise and another guy was already their. They said they were just friends but she was sitting on his lap smiling straight into his soul, how can I possibly believe that when it was so blatantly obvious. I just feel so worthless and garbage. Nothing I do anymore brings me joy and I haven’t gone to school in a week. My parents think I’m sick, but they’re wrong about what kind of sick. I have been crying lately reminiscing all of the wondeful time my ex-girlfriend and I had and it just hurts so much. I don’t know how to end this sort of thing because I haven’t talked to anyone about these feelings so it may seem rushed and crude, but I just didn’t know how to explain myself. Anyways how do I help myself stop feeling like this?

Hey @WhereamI,

Thank you for sharing this here.

I’m sorry you’ve been carrying these feelings with you for so long. You said you don’t want to have them anymore: hang on to that as much as possible.

The situation you lived was really violent for you but I can assure you that this doesn’t mean you’d be worthless. What she did is the result of her own actions and it would be really unfair to blame yourself for that. You can’t carry the actions of others on your shoulders. It wouldn’t be healthy for you.

I can understand what this situations implies and how it’s making you feel. It’s not for the same reasons, but I also felt deeply betrayed and worthless due to a love relationship recently. I can only imagine that you already thought about it many times while asking yourself what didn’t work, what you could’ve done better. I’m sorry it’s so painful. This is unfortunately normal. It’s up to the feelings you feel for her. And it’s very healthy that you came here to talk about it so you do not have to be alone with that. It’s an intense mourning. It’s difficult, painful, but you’ll get there.

Taking care of yourself must be your priority now. When you hurt, you take the time for your body to get better. It’s the same thing. I know you can’t control your sadness but you can still try to keep doing what you used to like, to keep spending some times with your family and friends.

It’s hard to go back to school, to continue doing what you used to do. It’s as if something had broken and like there’s a veil between the others’ reality and yours. But staying a minimum surrounded and not stopping everything in your life will help you to heal, to reduce the pain. At first, you’ll have the impression that this doesn’t help at all, that it’s more exhausting than anything else. But the simple fact of being able to focus of something else, even for a few minutes, to be able to hear others talking about random things, even uninteresting ones, is important. This will allow you to gradually step back from your pain and not staying trapped in it. Also to feel less alone.

So, indeed, you need to cry, to take the measure of your pain. Try to write or do anything that could allow you to express this in a safe way (arts or sports for example). But you also need to be able to live and to feel better. You deserve to feel better. To surround yourself with all the support you need right now. Maybe try to explain this to your parents so they could understand what’s wrong right now and they would be able to be here for you, the way you need to. You said they helped you a lot.

Much Love. :two_hearts:

Thank you for all of the wonderful advice and sharing your experience with me, however I just have one question. How do I even start having that conversation with my parents about my feelings of emptiness and worthlessness. Where do I begin cause I want help I just dont know how.

Thank you so very much again

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Hey @WhereamI, you’re most welcome. And thank you for your reply. :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

In my own perspective, in order to start a discussion like this, you’ll first have to accept to be vulnerable in front of them. I know this can be really stressful to do that in front of our family or friends. I mean, I can only assume that the fact you’re wondering how to do that may be due to the way you’re seeing yourself right now. It always seems risky to share such intimate feelings, but remember that it’s also a deep sign of the confidence you have for your parents. And they could feel privileged for the trust you have in them.

I am fully aware that you want to make this step and it’s totally justified. I just want to say to all your hesitations that they can go elsewhere for the moment. You don’t need them. And asking for help from those we love and who love us is not shameful or wrong. On the contrary. It’s very brave. So, if you feel that your parents would be supportive for you and that, if by being honest with them they will understand you more and help you, then you will do the right thing.

If you need, don’t hesitate to train yourself before and think about what you want to say. Sometimes you can be stressed and forget to talk about something. I also think you were very good at explaining the situation to us. What you lived and how it makes you feel right now. Maybe it can be helpful to use this conversation to make them understand and show them how brave you were to reach out here.

Also, it’s just an idea, but maybe writing them a letter instead of talking directly can be better for you? Sometimes writing can help us to take our time to think about what we want to say.

From a practical point of view, you will certainly have to choose a suitable moment for you as for them. So that you can express yourself freely, have time to do this, while they’re in listening conditions. I can only suggest doing it in a place or room where you feel comfortable. Also a place where you will not be bothered by outside distractions, where you can have some intimacy.

The first step in engaging a conversation is the hardest. But it gets better after.

I’ve also got to say that, in case their reaction is not what you expected, remember that it wouldn’t be dependent on you. And here on this forum, we’ll always be here for you. We would always be able to think about other possibilities together if the situation requires it.
You are not alone.

I believe in you. :two_hearts:

Hey MicrosmosK you have been very helpful these past couple days and I want to thank you for that.

However I talked to my parents about how I was feeling and they thought I was joking at first, when they realised I wasnt after I tried explaining it better to them they said boys aren’t supposed to feel that way and to “Man up”. After that experience I didnt know what to do so I went to a friends party and after that its a blur of what happened. Im not proud of what I did but I just didnt know what else to do or how to cope. I haven’t gone back home yet but I have contacted my parents letting them know I was safe. However I dont feel comfortable going back to their house just yet. Im tearing up just writing this and I could use some help trying to get my parents to understand.

Thanks and sorry to bother you again

Hey @WhereamI, you don’t bother me! Never. :wink:

Gosh, I’m really sorry about their reaction… You wanted to talk to them, you said they helped you a lot before so we could have expected something else. But despite what they said, I really want to emphasize that you did the right thing. It was very brave and honest of you.

I can only be in contradiction with what they said. Being a boy doesn’t implies being super strong in every situation. And being a girl doesn’t mean having to be ultra-sensitive or anything else. We’re all human beings, we experience some rough times in our lives and it’s absolutely okay to ask for some support, whether you’re a boy or a girl.

Also don’t blame yourself too much for your reaction: what’s important is that you’re safe right now. And thank you for letting us know. I’m glad you were able to stay with your friends despite this. And it really was a good thing to let your parents know where you are.

May I ask if your friend-s know about your strugglings? Maybe they could give you some support to help your parents understand. To play a “third-party” role in this situation - in a peaceful way. And if that doesn’t seem possible, maybe we’ll have to think of other ways for you to get some help, outside your family, even temporarily.

I also would like to encourage you to join the HS Discord: https://discordapp.com/invite/ZpuEVvM and to share about this in the “Real Talk” room. It gives you the possibility to discuss more directly, and there’s a lot of people there that could also give some support to think about your situation (together we are stronger :wink:). I try to be there as much as I can, so don’t hesitate to DM me (@Microsmos) so we can talk about this and try to move forward one day after another. :kissing_heart:

This will be okay, friend. You are not alone. :heart:

MicrosmosK I really do appreciate all of the wonderful things you have done for me in this almost week now. It means a lot, and I have to say its made me feel just a little better.

Again I did what you asked because my bestfriend knew how I was feeling and she is very supportive of everything I have been doing including talking with my parents. We talked with my parents again and they seemed to understand a little better, but not really. They believed my emotions you could say, but they think I shouldn’t have them still. Its progress but it still hurts being told my emotions don’t count because I am boy. I don’t want to make a huge deal out of my health either so I don’t want to see a proffesional for help, it seems really traumatizing to do that.

I would like to thank you for letting me join the Discord group for HS it means a lot to me. Hopefully some other people can help with my issues and you don’t have to be the only one dealing with my struggles.

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Hey @WhereamI, sending so much love :heart:

I hope you don’t mind me chiming in, it’s just that I really feel like I know how you feel - I’m a guy, and a very sensitive one at that. This morning I cried watching a commercial about dogs. :sweat_smile:

Emotional sensitivity isn’t something you can control, it’s not something you chose to have, and I personally think it’s a wonderful trait to have. It certainly makes things harder sometimes, but I would never change it. If you feel this way too, know that there are so many wonderful positives: I feel very in touch with the world around me, I have a special love for nature that I find very soothing, it gives me so much creative fuel, and it allows me to connect with people very deeply.

On top of that, even people who don’t see themselves as very sensitive struggle from time to time. The idea that the best way to cope with emotions is to pretend that they’re not there is an old and outdated one - in reality it doesn’t work. At best it delays the pain, and at worst it amplifies it.

I’m so, so sorry that your parents don’t understand. They’re dead wrong not to see how wonderful you’re turning out to be. We were never going to end up exactly like our parents wanted us to, and that’s part of what makes you so great.

Seeking professional help was a real turning point for me. It turns out that the path to dealing with emotions isn’t in ignoring them, it’s in exploring them and learning to understand them. A counselor is just there to help you figure out who you are, who you want to be, and how to get you there. :slight_smile: If that sounds good to you, I’d give it a try

Sending love, thank you for sharing :heart:
(Also, I know! How great is @MicrosmosK! :wink: )

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Hey @WhereamI,

I’m the one who need to thank you for your replies and keeping us up to speed.
And you never bother me. You know, if I don’t want to talk to someone I just… don’t talk to this person. :wink:

I’m also really glad to know you’ve got such a supportive friend. She seems amazing!
I hope from the bottom of my heart that, in a way, this will allow your parents to learn to see things differently, even if it’s just a little bit. It’s possible that it would make them a little more receptive, over time.

Right now, I could only echo what @Rick said, so I won’t repeat what he wrote.
But still, what you feel matters. And you matter to us. For the therapist, it’s only a suggestion, no obligation at all. This has to remain your own choice. And sometimes, supportive friends and/or family are enough to go through difficult times.

You can come here anytime you want, anytime you need, or if some days are harder than others. To up this topic or create a new one. There will always be someone to read you and to give you some encouragement or support. Or also if you want to discuss about some good news, that’s great too. Whether it’s here or on Discord. :wink:

Keep taking care of yourself. You’re already very brave. :two_hearts:

(Hey @Rick, so proud of you. Much love).

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Thank you so much for your input. It means a lot hearing from another guy that being sensitive is okay.

I honestly don’t know if Im really sensitive or not, but nonetheless I am growing and learning as a person everyday and it feels nice. My parents not understanding has made that growing process a lot harder for the time being, but life comes with challenges Ive learned.

I hope you have an amazing day and continue doing what you love :slight_smile:

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I’m glad you enjoy talking with me so much it really has made getting through this a lot easier and less painful. I went back to school today, and saw my (now) ex girlfriend again, and she was with the same guy… :sweat: My parents have decided that I need proffesional help and are forcing me to go to get a checkup with a psychologist. I tried saying I wasn’t ready to do that but they wouldnt listen. The only good thing that has happened since our last chat is my relationship with my bestfriend has improved ten fold and is only getting stronger. I didn’t realise how supportive one person could be and its helped.

Again Thank you so much for reading these and responding with helpful information each time. It really means a lot and I don’t know what would have happened if you weren’t being here supporting me. Thanks

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I’m really glad to hear that :slight_smile:

We all have sensitive patches, whether we’re generally like that or not :slight_smile: It’s just one of those things I guess. And I love that attitude! I saw your reply to Micro about seeing a psychologist. I’ve definitely been in that boat! If it helps you feel better - these professionals have been trained extensively to deal with these things carefully and at your pace. I promise it’ll be okay, and it might even be great.

Keep on keeping on, friend :heart: Don’t hesitate to get in contact if you want to talk.

Hey @WhereamI,

I’m glad you could find some comfort here. :heart:

Just because I’m curious, did your parents told you why they decided this?

Also, I still think that this kind of thing must remain a personal decision first and foremost, but it’s only a personal point of view. Still, maybe you can try to think of it as an opportunity? I mean, even if they seem to be making the decision for you, a therapy would always be yours only. I guess it would be individual so your parents won’t be there, and you would have a safe space to express everything you need. I don’t know what representation you have of therapy, but just in case, you can reassure yourself concerning the fact that it doesn’t label you as “crazy” or “weak”. :wink:

Also, I didn’t forget what you said in your first post and, just a thought: maybe it would be something interesting for you to work on/try to find some answers with this therapist? ->

But for some reason my heart and brain just don’t think so, and ever since middle school around 7th grade Ive wanted to end it. I don’t know why I have these feelings and I don’t want to have them anymore, but they don’t go away.

In any case, if you have questions about this, if you want to reduce some worries by having some answers, feel free to ask them here.

For your friend, that’s reaaaally awesome. Even in difficult times you can find some unexpected lights. :blush:

And congrats for getting back to school! You did it, and that’s really a good thing. For what it’s worth, I’m proud of you. I’m also sorry about the fact you saw them and I hope that didn’t make you feel too bad. Now, you know you’ll probably see them together on a regular basis so the surprise’s effect is gone and you can expect something different. I’m not saying it would be less painful for the moment, but you’ll be able to prepare yourself if needed and to take care of yourself too.

Take care! :two_hearts:

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