I posted yesterday that I somehow managed to trigger my anxiety while reading and it ended in me sitting in my room at midnight, not being able to calm down and being extremely close to a panic attack. Almost threw up while trying to fall asleep too.
I had a conversation with a friend in the process of that in hopes to calm myself down while being distracted. But after it just got worse and worse I left and just shut my phone off. I apologised to them in the morning, because I just left our conversation like that. I got a response but it didn’t feel very comforting or anything. Nothing close to a simple question like “are you okay?”, “how are you now?”
I never know if I’m expecting too much, to be asked something like that, or if being upset over something like that is valid.
And then there’s the fact that I have to go back to school tomorrow. Like, actually go. See people, interact with them, etc. And lucks on my side, I have math as first class. The subject that never fails to make me cry or panic. I’m so scared it’ll end like last time, with me not being able to handle a simple equation and having a full blown breakdown over it.