Hey.
So, I don’t know how to say this… I’ve been an active part of the community for a while now under my main name, and I’ve made some life-long friends… or so I thought.
I’ve self harmed for a few years and can’t get past 2 weeks clean, no matter what I do. I feel like I’m losing everyone around me and I can’t stop it. I have 2 people really trying to help, but it feels as though everyone else, even those that swore to stand by me are pushing me away. I don’t know what to do. I feel like maybe I’m not good enough for my friends in and out of HeartSupport… I mean I’ve always been good at coping alone other than self harm. Maybe that’s best? Maybe I should go?
Please help.
I just want to say that sometimes it gets really hard for others to help others. Even if we swore to stand beside them.
I have honestly done some things that make me feel guilty, like blocking certain people because I can’t help them, or I just can’t talk to them at the time because I need to focus on only me for a bit when I get in a really bad place. That doesn’t make that person a burden. It just means I simply need a break; they need to reach out to the community as well in that time.
So don’t go.
I’m not sure who this is so I don’t know what you have and have not done on your road to recovery but I want to say that you also have to take steps to get better. We can’t help those who won’t take the necessary steps they need to personally take to get better- in example: talking to a doctor, seeking help such as a therapist or Alcoholics Anonymous or anything like that.
So, I’ll say it again. Don’t go. Make sure you are also taking the steps you need to take. Talk to these people specifically about how they are making you feel.
I am so sorry that you feel abandoned by the people in your life - I promise that they are the minority.
An in regards to your self harm, I understand. I have been a compulsive addict for 13 years and every day is a struggle. I too find it hard to go multiple days without giving in to temptation. But I have learned that you can’t focus on tomorrow. No. Focus on today and today only. The next hour, the next minute, the next second. You are worthy, valuable, and a whole, created, person with worth. Self harm is never the answer, addiction is never the answer.
Friend, I promise that there is hope and that you are worthy of us here at HS. We love you and are here to bear your burdens with you.