I was seeing this guy and I would tell him sometimes I wasn’t ready for certain things regarding physical intimacy or that I simply wasn’t feeling it and he would simply always ask me more than 3 times by saying “are you sure?” or straight up beg “please”. Once I had to go home so I told him, ok I’ll get going now after we had made out for a bit and he begged me to give him a blowjob so I did but then he said “I didn’t think you’d actually do it.”.
I know I’m quite easy to push around and I’ve told him before I had trouble saying no so if I’m asked a lot of times I’d eventually just give in but he kept being so pushy. Sometimes I wouldn’t want to at all at first but after giving in, I’d find part of pleasure in it but whenever I went home it still felt like absolute sh**. Maybe it’s because I’m naive but I can’t tell if I was taken advantage of or not? Someone please let me know.
Yes, you were taken advantage of. If a guy doesn’t accept “no” and back off, he’s not respecting your right to say no. If you have trouble saying no, the best thing to do is to part company immediately if he starts pushing. Some would call what he’s doing coercion, others may call it “emotional blackmail.”
If he’s pushy now, and doesn’t accept “no,” when you first say it, it’s only going to get worse over time. The more emotionally involved you are, the harder it will be to set boundaries and demand an appropriate level of respect.
Pushy guys bank on the idea that a girl would rather compromise her self-respect than be lonely.
You ended up feeling like sh*t because you felt used and not respected. That’s true, even if you semi-enjoyed part of the experience.
The unreasonable thing would be to continue tolerating his behavior.
People shouldn’t be begging for you after you say no. No means no, not ask again, or keep trying or force it to happen.
You’re more valuable than that. But that’s not on you, that’s on them. That’s them doing the wrong thing.
If you keep feeling pressured by this person, and you want to continue seeing them, make them come to your house and let a friend know and have them available to come over if you need.
Personally if you’re feeling uncomfortable and they keep putting pressure on you to do things you don’t want to do, it’s okay to tell them you’re not interested in continuing to see them. If they start to send messages or try to call you to beg you or even say some nasty things to guilt you back into it, save the messages and let your friends and family know, but try not to respond.
You don’t have to give answers to somebody for cutting off a relationship if you find it toxic
Welcome to HeartSupport! Thank you for opening up, I know talking about these things can be quite uncomfortable. I want to say that you are not being unreasonable at all, rather he is. I am really sorry you are being taken advantage of.
It pains me that you are being treated this way, because I can relate so much from my own past experiences, and my current situation is also not easy. But as I am learning, you do not have to give in to his pleading. It is disrespectful of him trying to convince you to do something you don’t want to do after you have already said No. Especially if he knows you have difficulties setting boundaries, then he is knowingly and willingly exploiting you. You do not owe him an explanation, or a reason, or an apology. It is your right to say No whenever you want to. If something feels weird, or you reach a point where you don’t want to continue anymore, you can stop. There is also no reason to feel guilty. I know it is difficult, because you don’t want to disappoint the other person, or make them angry or sad, or any of those things. But that is on them. You deserve to be respected and loved and treated well.
The first “no” ends the request. No decent or worthy person pushes past that.
If someone says “no”, it means, I don’t want it, or don’t care for it now.
No can be said at any time, in any situation, doesn’t matter if you’ve said yes before.
Like Wings said, you say no. If they keep asking, literally get up and walk away. If this is a pattern, then you have to part ways with someone who puts his desires (sexual, which he has to learn to control and manage, not your job) over your needs (to be respected, heard and not pressured).
Your partner should respect you. That means respecting and honouring your “no” as well.
