Am I the bad guy in this situation

So I have a problem where I hate when people interrupt me, but normally I dont realy do anything. I have talked to my parents about this over and over but they wont listen, and every time they do they say that I need to get use to it because that’s how people are. Like I understand but why cant my parents MY FUCKING PARENTS be willing to change alittle to help someone who already is trying but cant. Like they treat me like I’m some strangers or like they are CEOs of a business and I’m just a janitor. Like I’ve talked about my problems and they always tell me. “Oh how can you be upset people have it way worse than you” and “when I was your age we were poor and didnt have all the things you have today” like I understand this is a thing but why do they have to devalue my problems because other people have worse problems. Even today I just had a argument and cursed at my mother because she kept cutting me off. I yelled and cussed at her because I have her worning before but she kept going. This problem has happened all my life. Am I the bad guy and am I the one who should change?


Hey there!

I absolutely would not say you are the “bad guy” here, but I do think it is a very common occurrence for people to interrupt one another during conversations. Everyone does things for different reasons; for example, some people interrupt others because they feel like what they are saying is more important, others interrupt people because they are excited about the topic and aren’t really thinking about how rude it may be to interrupt people, and others might interrupt people because they simply don’t know any better. As far as your situation goes, you’re absolutely justified in being annoyed when people interrupt you. Everyone has their pet peeves and things that drive them absolutely insane, and this just happens to be yours. For my sister, it is when people drag their feet on the floor. Whenever she brings it up, people do it intentionally and she gets very upset. I think the most important thing to do is to communicate that to the people who are doing whatever it is that annoys you (which you said you did). Regarding your parent’s argument about “that’s how people are,” if people are not willing to put forth the effort to avoid doing what drives you insane, you’re a lot less likely to want to interact with those people. If my “friends” constantly interrupt me despite me explaining to them that it really bothers me and asking them to try to avoid doing so, then I am likely not going to want to spend much time around them. We tend to not want to spend time in situations that make us unhappy, and rightfully so. I do think your parents should be willing to put forth the effort to make a change so that they aren’t constantly something that really bothers you, but I feel like they just may not understand what it is like for you. Perhaps try having a conversation with them (preferably one that is not initiated because they interrupted you) and explaining why it matters to you and ask them to put forth the effort to help you.

I also feel obligated to comment on the part where they devalue your problems because I think this is such a toxic thing we tend to do as a society. Somebody else may have all the problems in the world and maybe the severity of those problems is a 12 out of 10, but your problems still matter. We as a society tend to compare ourselves and one another to other people, and that is such a slippery slope because we all experience life differently. What makes me happy doesn’t necessarily make you happy; what makes me upset doesn’t necessarily make you upset; my passions are not necessarily your passions; my problems are not necessarily your passions, yet all of it matters.

With all of that said, I would like to ask you to try to avoid cursing and yelling at your mom when you guys get into an argument. That will likely be a tall task because maybe that’s just how you tend to argue, but I think you may get more accomplished if you are able to approach the conversation in a calmer manner. Even if something happens that escalates it, keeping a clear mind and trying to remain calm is only ever going to work in your favor. Getting heated and yelling and swearing tend to escalate the situation much faster, things are less likely to get resolved, and it is more likely that someone will say something they can’t take back.

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Ya I agree with the end but I want to ad to the first thing you said about talking to them. I have had conversations to them about this about how they devalue my problems how they devalue things that piss me off and how they seem to be actively leaving my life and wants to be strangers on purpose and like I said they just didnt realy care about anything I said.

That definitely sounds like a difficult situation to be in. As terrible as it sounds, I feel like that just may be something you have try to accept. I don’t really know much about your life or your situation, so I obviously can’t speak much on the topic. What I do know is that you cannot force someone to act a certain way or to do certain things. If they don’t want to put forth the effort to change then you can’t really make them, and you have to decide how you want to deal with that. If they are distancing themselves and want to be strangers, you can’t really make them act differently. The best advice I can give you is to try and bury yourself in other places, so to speak. Spend time with friends, reading books, watching movies, listening to music, and/or whatever else makes you happy. Like I said before, spend your time where you are happiest. It can be incredibly difficult having parents that seem indifferent to you or like they actively don’t care about what you have to say. The only thing I can say is to surround yourself with people who care about you and support you

I am struck by your title… “Am I the bad guy in this situation”, to ask the question, suggest you, yourself are not sure of the answer.
I disagree with how you handled this, yes, very much. I don’t like people yelling at me for any reason, and I would not like to be cussed at either. I can’t help but think if you did something that bothered someone else, you would hope that, while they told you how they felt, they did so respecting your dignity.
While I completely understand your situation, and know how distracting, and annoying it can be to be interrupted every minute, I cannot endorse your solution.
It is the difficult situations that demand the most of us, and though I think your family should respect your feelings, there is a difference between a demand, and a suggestion. I think you should consider how you would like someone to approach you with correcting something that distresses them, like going off on them when you get interrupted. Sorry anonymous6, I think we treat everyone respectfully, if we want that in return. I hope this works out happily. Peace.

Yes I agree with you for this and I guess I should have reworded my question I’m more asking should I not aspect my parents to try to not get on my nerves useing petpeeves.

Relationships, successful relationships, are about working out differences.
I think you have every right to be annoyed. I agree… it’s maddening.
You and your family need to work out boundaries with this issue.
I suggest you talk to them, in a calm moment, and tell them how this is affecting you. I don’t think they grasp how deeply this is bothering you. That must be explained. From what you’ve said they are dismissing you, when you’ve brought this us in the past. Remind them of their dismissal, and how it hurt to be dismissed when you were honest about your feelings. If you want to work this out with them tell them, and see if you can find a way forward. There is a well known exercise called “Active Listening” that you can google. It may help you and your family find a path forward. I’m thinking you love these people, and they love you, so you’re motivated to work this out.

To answer your question: I think your parents should respect your “petpeeves”.
I do not believe that compliance with your petpeeves is necessary to being respected. I think both are possible.
Your family is a micro-world, how will you handle a similar situation later in life, with other people who are not family. Your solution will not be acceptable in a work environment. This may be an opportunity for growth, for both you and your family. We learn a lot trying to work though problems with others, we learn about them and ourselves. Peace

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