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I can relate to so much you are refering to. I also struggle with the feeling that I cannot be loved, and I have the strong desire to be loved and accepted the way I am, which I am not. I am 49, in a total different life situation than you, and I neglegted my problem for many years. I grew up in a home which was toxic and gave me the constant feeling that I am worthless and unwanted. I compensated this with working hard until I broke down.
You are not an idiot telling us your feeling, it is a brave step to take. You have noticed that something is going wrong, and posting here is a first step into healing.
And actually it is a right to be loved. Everybody deserves to be loved and acknowledgt - though we cannot force someone to do so.
It sounds that you are having a hard time being single. I can feel it in a way, as I tried to compensate being alone at home after my break down to gain attention in the online community I was active in. It felt good in the beginning, but I realised that I was betraying myself, telling me that this attention is that affection I deserve and need.
You are not worthless, and your first step should be to learn to love yourself. I know this is a hard step, an advice given by someone, who has not achieved that yet.
You are still young, and you have all chances open. Don’t make the same mistake as me, and push your feelings aside. There is nothing wrong to seek support and help. You might even consider counseling. It isn’t something you consider as last step, but as first step, to let not happen the worst.
This is a safe space for all you have to say. You are important, and everybody accept you the way you are here. You are no burden to anyone. You are loved.
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