I don’t really know at this point… I’ve been hiding my thoughts from everyone from the past even when people say how are you? I just say I’m good as I don’t like attention at all. I wonder to myself if I should continue with life at all. I just can’t be bothered with the suffering to any extent at all. Some dude from my “Freind” group stole my phone and called the police as a prank on my be half and I was left with 7 missed calls from the police. And my real friends are really pissed at him. Anyways good bye I guess
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You are still worthy to continue living. Everyone is. Even people who say that they dont deserve to live. You live to show others. Live to start a fire in someones heart, a passion for change to do what is the right thing, even if no one is watching.
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Ty. It’s a though ive had for a long time
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Hey Aces,
That dude is a jerk! I’m sorry this person caused you trouble and hope that the situation with the police could be resolved. What this person did says a lot about him and nothing about you. I’m really sorry you’re making such experiences over and over again.
It’s fair not to share your deep feelings with everyone, though there should be people who feel safe enough to open up to. If that’s within this community so far, that’s good for a start and it’s great that you come back here and post how you’re doing.
When times are so tough and suffering seems to be all there is and ever will be, it is particularly important to stick to healthy habits, such as eating and sleeping regularly and - very important - not beat yourself up. Be as kind to yourself as possible. If that seems completely out of reach, think about how you would support a good friend in such situations.
Aces, you’re an awesome person. Hang in there and don’t give up working on improving your mental health. I know how committed you are. I believe in you.
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Bit of an update… Quite down still today and found out the family im with is actually a foster family.
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Hi Aces, I saw you talking to Dan today on stream and I think what he had to say to you was very interesting and definately worth thinking about especially what he said about being able to access help via your support worker, under the circumstances the way you are feeling I think that is vital. I feel you need someone that you can be completely open with and not hide your thoughts from and a therapist would be perfect for that and they may also be able to help you with other components of your life. Im sorry that happened with your phone, that was a nasty thing to do to you. I wish you had some friends and hobbies more suited to your age that werent so dangerous that you could enjoy, You deserve a real childhood. LisaLovesfeathers.
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what’s up aces,
i appreciate you for sharing an update on how everything is going. i want to start by saying that the guy in your friend group was wrong for doing what he did to you. i’m sure the anxiety of having that many missed calls from the police of all people was amplified, and especially having it done by a “friend.” pranks are meant to bring laughter, not fear. i’m sorry he treated you like that though and hope you can maintain some distance from him until he matures a bit to know that that wasn’t right. i’m thankful you have great friends that support you and direct their upset at the “prankster.” i bet knowing they have your back was a good feeling! even through all the evil and pain this world can bring, the true friends and good energy makes everything worth it.
i hope since you posted this that you’re doing a lil’ better. it breaks my heart to know someone who brings so much love and encouragement to others through your work in swat groups faces his own set of struggles and pain. so please know you have your pal twix supporting you and hoping things get a bit better in the near future. i believe in you to keep racing forward, you got this!
love,
twix
Hey there @Aces
So first of all I just want to point out that guy who stole your phone is incredibly immature; especially where police are short staffed as it is and wasting their resources for a false call on your device is pretty messed up.
That alone would really mess with anyone to have their phone stolen and to go through this stress of police trying to contact back, I can imagine it was crazy.
You know a lot of folks do that - more than you would believe. It’s just socially so difficult to reply to anything besides “good how are you” to that particular greeting/question. It’s ok to tell a white lie in this case, especially with acquaintances or folks you don’t want to discuss life with. Don’t beat yourself up about that.
Do you have someone to talk to about stuff when life is heavy? A trusted friend or a counsellor/therapist? The folks here are always happy to discuss stuff with you here on the wall of course, and you are a valued member of the community. But I know there is only so much you can really open up about in a forum/chat setting.
Please know you are valued and worth so much as just yourself. I know you have been having a struggle out there. But know this - it can and does get better. I know it can feel so oppressive when you are in a dark place, but that is not how it will be forever.
Take care <3/Mish
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Hey Aces. Hope you’re been doing a bit better, friend.
First and foremost… not cool on your friends doing that. 100%. Not called for, not deserved.
Aside from that, I do hope you know you are valued and loved in this community. You find the time and energy to support others, while working through your own struggles. That selfless act is not lost on us, and I hope it’s not lost on you. It’s perfectly OK that you don’t want attention. And I acknowledge that that fact makes it that much harder to reach out and express your feelings. So… thank you for finding the energy to do that.
Let us know what we can do to support you in this. I hate that you’re going through this, but I’m thankful you share it. Please, keep us updated in SWAT chats and/or in HS Twitch chat. I look forward to hearing of your successes in the future, friend.
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Hi Aces,
I’m grateful that I (Rohini_868) was in chat today when @Danjo had an excellent heart to heart with you there, and we learnt a lot more about what you’re feeling right now.
You are so supportive and encouraging here, and I want to remind you of the resources that Dan suggested that you can possibly access, that could help provide you with additional support. I’m also so sorry that that person played such a stupid prank, that must not have been a very fun thing to have to deal with. I’m really glad that your real friends thought it was stupid too, and no-one supported that kind of prank.
You matter so much to us, and the world is definitely better with you in it. You are loved and you matter to us. I know Dan chatted with you about it too, but I just want to say that you deserve to be loved, protected and safe in your home and with your foster family. I’d encourage you to talk with them and let them know what you’re feeling.
Your feelings are valid, and if things seems difficult, please do reach out to a hotline or your family, or the person who’s in charge of your case. You’re not alone in this. So many of us are rooting for you and want you to stay with us for a really long time. 
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Hey, friend First I want to say I really enjoyed having you in SWAT with me yesterday. You are a really cool person and it was an enjoyable time supporting people on here with you.
That was a really mean thing that kid did and I’m glad you acknowledge that he isn’t really your friend and that your real friends took your side in that “prank”. It is always nice knowing which friends you can rely on and having them prove that to you.
You are still in the states, right? Cops here are usually pretty good about accidental calls and mistakes. As long as they know it wasn’t you personally just messing with them all the calls were probably because they were worried for your safety. My dad once butt-dialed 911 (the US’s 999) while running power equipment. They couldn’t hear anything but the power tools so they pinged his location and sent a nearby cop to check on him. No harm, no foul, just good people doing their jobs and keeping the public safe. I hope your situation had a similarly easy outcome from the police.
I know from my own past experiences from my childhood that it can be so easy to hide what you are really thinking and feeling but I wish I had told people the truth when I was your age. I don’t want to tell you what to do but I do encourage you to find some people to open up to. Do you feel comfortable talking to your foster family? And maybe you can share your thoughts on how it feels constantly moving between families to them. They may have some words that can help you. You never know until you try. I know you haven’t had the best luck with your adoptive/foster families but there are definitely people out there who truly care about you and your well-being. I hope you give your current family the opportunity to prove that they care as well. There are a lot of them right here in this community as well.
Hold fast, dear friend, and I look forward to speaking to you soon. I’m here for you, we’re here for you.
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I’ve lost hope in my self
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Don’t give up. Even when you have lost faith in yourself, there are those who have not lost faith in you. Faith that you will see brighter days.
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