An Escapist

Hi everyone
I hope you are all doing well. I have a confession to make. Lately I have not been doing the best. But thats not really what i wanted to talk about here. This post is going to be a mess. Well today I had heard a song that used to be a favourite of mine and it still is but I havent heard it in a while. Its called an Escapist by the group called Nightwish. I really loved that song. It has such wonder to it. It reminded me of something I wanted to talk about here but havent yet. Escapism.

Escapism had played a huge part in my life since I was a child. When I was in elementary school i would often imagine worlds, monsters and places and create stories in them. I also drew maps of continents that existed only in my had and created nations and history of the worlds I created. It was much more fun then school and because I didnt have many friends (almost none) I spend a lot of time doing these things. I also played video games a lot, watched tv and read books. these things kind of fueled my inspiration. I spend a lot of time alone. It did not bothered me that much but I had always wished for a friend that would understand me and was there for me. A really close friend. I guess that is why i became such a people pleaser later in life.

If I told you I didnt like school it would be an understatement. I really didnt like it. Almost as much as I didnt like homework. I especially hated middle school. That was really terrible. That was also the time I tried to kill myself for the first time. I survived this time of my life thanks to escapism. Youtube, videogames, books, music… you name it. This trend continued. Me escaping reality. Being an Escapist. I also joined a drama club which was honestly just another form of escapism. I craved an escape from my drinking mother, from school, from stress.

This continued through highschool but It became harder to escape becouse of my depression and the pressure from my parents to “find my calling in life.” Fast forward to now and I am still the same escapist as I was before. And to be honest I dot want to change that. I find the worlds of fantasy so much more appealing. Being whomever you want to be. Whenever you want to be. Its creative and its beautiful. here is the question however. Why are the best parts of this world conected to an escape from reality. If life is so precious why is it mostly spend doing things we dont care about and crave escape from? Why do we suffer? To grow? To be better? Ok but why? We die in the end anyway. These questions lay in my head unanswered.

There is a dark destructive part to me. It comes from frustration, sadness, hopelessness and anger. Its mostly self destructive but it doesnt have to be. It comes from a deep desire inside of me. The desire for the final escape. The desire that I decided not to embrace because of the people around me it would hurt. Because of the people I love. However I still struggle with this. With the meaning of life. Because I know there are parts of life I love. The little escapes I love but the price for the is high. There are things that bring me pain. Some connected to me some not. However the biggest self discovery I have made lately is that what I truly desire might not be happiness. I dont know what it is but maybe being happy is not it. I am tired.

This was one hell of a mess of a post. Phew. Ok. As i have said not doing super good right now but I will hope fully get better. Thank you all who have read through this mess. i hope you have a good day. Bye :heart: :slightly_smiling_face:

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I can definitely relate to this post. I still remember my fantasy worlds I made and drew (to this day I still get caught up in a bunch of different worlds and fantasies)

I think it’s pretty powerful and helpful to be imaginative. It’s flexing that creative muscle. I hope you feel better soon friend : )

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Sounds like a talented kid that was stuck with the chains of needing to follow a NT life of masking yourself to me tbh. And lonlieness can unlock alot of creativity, in the sense of looking within for someone to listen to. But if creativity is what drives your inspiration and motivation I think you should look more into it. It sounds like in not having a friend you had a chance to explore yourself, explore your creativity and deep imagination, to create and build and teach yourself. Though deep down you truly wanted to share this with someone who understood you, someone like you who valued these experiences as well. It sounds alot like my own experiences. I’m sorry you didn’t have friends back then, I didn’t either. But the thing is, you don’t have to choose one or the other, there are people out here who would listen to these ideas and embrace it and help you create a bigger world, we would love to listen ourselves. You were just around people who didn’t understand you. And in a system that didn’t want you to be the way you are. I’m sorry it drove you to that, when you live in a world the fights back the values and experiences of others it really does make you feel like and alien and just want to stop continuing forwards. But it’s not your fault, it’s not a sickness, its how your brain works, and how it copes. How it copes in a world that, well, is very unhealthy. A world that pressures you to fit in a box and make a decision of what box you want to be caged in for the rest of your life with no other options. But it doesn’t have to be that way. You can balance this. You have a choice, you can have freedom in this.

(Syra wanted to say something: Why do we suffer? Because other people are hurt and damaged and want to share that damage with others, because they didn’t know how to look within and grow. And in the general sense of suffering, because nature has obstacles and you have to experience and work with others to pass them, so one day you can hop through them yourselves. Why be better? Because why wouldn’t you want to? How will you live if you do not grow and change and develop? If you do not grow you are failing and hurting yourself as a creature of sentience, as why else would you want to be sentient for if you do not wish to change, it will hurt you mentally and physically. That can be your choice ofc, many humans live without self awareness afterall but, life is quite a long journey, and if you already have self awareness you are hurting yourself more by asking the same questions and already knowing the answers. Being self aware is what drives your creativity. You are still suffering perhaps because you are holding yourself back from something that is actually meaningful to you. Your innerworld is peaceful because the god who controls it allows no suffering. There are infinite ways you can live, but in the human world, the enviroment you live in is going to dictate different answers to your living. But it doesn’t mean it’s your answer, it doesn’t mean you have to live that way, though I understand the pain of your predicament, but perhaps this is the purpose to your coping mechanism of inner worlds. As there are many world’s, adapting may come with different answers. The better your world the less you may feel the need to seek those answers, which is where your innerworld keeps your safe, because it doesn’t need to suffer, you are already safe there. Essentially, the questions that delve down to the answers of any philosophy you question, are going to point that everything and nothing are an answer, because any universe that exists has a plurality of answers in each state of awareness. So if you truly want to know these answers you would need to understand the universe as an entity itself, which is, inherently unexplainable and still needing to be understood and measured, and in trying to understand it brings more questions to otherworldly answers, so because of that, you should just be a god to yourself until then, because that is truly all that matters for you right now…)

Maybe in escapsim, we do it because we know there’s something out there better than our own world. In imagination you are, god. And in being god you live how you wish, because existence and everything in front of you can mold to your desires. Life itself is at your grasp. I agree, innerworld lives at much more interesting than the physical, and coming from someone who lives by the mind and imagination I’d say you have a high awareness of the capabilities of your mind, and the realization that the physical world is just one part of reality is not something to just brush off and lock away. And while it might not be completley ideal to the physical world, as the physical stupidly beleives that only logic is needed to grow as a society, creativity is a gateway gift you have to unlock the talents to create incredible things. Society likes to keep those with creative abilities from exploring it, but if I’m to be honest, I beleive it’s the key to unlocking unimaginable secrets of the universe. It’s a huge step we need to take as humanity if we want to truly grow as a civilization. The physical world isn’t the only step we need to take, and in overlooking the innerworld, we are failing ourselves. Blocking out creativity is one of our biggest downfalls. It’s the key to understanding ourselves and others, helping others with compassion, inventing things one never would think possible with creativity, and unlocking the mind’s capabilities. Maybe it’s because physical is only one part of reality, but the reason we chase fantasy and seek a disctraction is because we know there is something more to existence than being a robot on a 9/7 job and being forced to study all day because you need to be a robot. We do it because we know deep down there is more to this world than that. We know money isn’t what we need to live and we know there is something missing that society tries to blind us from and breed the idea that it’s unhealthy and useless and be a slave to the system. And we need to not block it out our creativity, but fight for our right to have it. Because it’s what makes us, us, it’s what makes us alive. Who are we if we do not create? Who are we if we do not seek to understand others and imagine a better life? How would we change the world if we didn’t imagine it could be better?

There are already more layers than just the material world that can affect our world and already has for millennia. Creativity is part of being sentient, being alive, being human. Maybe it can be escapism for bad things in life, and defiently can get unhealthy if you don’t know balance, but I wouldn’t say it’s a bad thing, it’s a coping mechanism. Not all of its even escapism, imagination can just be a part of your life, it can be a coping mechanism and that’s okay, it’s just knowing how to balance it out, and combine the two world’s, so you remember both parts of you and work on your meatspace self and not just your thoughtform self. And in that, I’d say a way to cope would maybe be incorporating this imagination into reality. Writing these stories and worlds into a book, and learning how to write stories and make money off of it, or talking about those world’s to friends, and your therapist, and try to balance it out. I would love to hear about the world’s you have created and the stories you have imagined. There’s very valid reasons you use your imagination to escape your experiences, you’re been through alot, so you use it as a coping mechanism and because it makes you happy, but because the world doesn’t ever let your express yourself, you feel that dark destructive part of you. That stuck, robotic, tired and empty feeling because you aren’t being allowed to live. And it’s no surprise to the world in this day in age, everyone feels this. World’s gone mad, and it’s getting worse, they want to ingrain in our minds to be blind and dead inside, obsessed with unlocking anti-ageing, cloning, becoming millionaires, dominating other countries for power, evolving the human race to dystopian fantasies that no one actually wants except for the blind abominations in power. So people are looking within to seek answers of what there truly is to exist, to escape, not from reality, but from a bad enviroment, but society uses this need for escape to their advantage to further discract your attention from what actually matters to you. Escapism is like hopping to a different planet, that other planet can’t work anymore, it’s broken, its dying, it’s uninhabitable, so we attempt to jump to another one to fix it. It’s just a coping mechanism when we can’t move enviroments and seek a better place, seek a change, but we also have to be careful of what we put our attention to and how we do it, so that we don’t get lost in that cycle of feeling worthless because we get disctracted by things that are useless for us and we can’t grow as people. But that’s with stuff like watching too much mindless tv and media, and maybe even sometimes too much daydreaming. But it doesn’t mean our imagination is bad, it just means we need a compromise, we need to work with that imagination differently. Maybe if you can find a better enviroment, or even work to change it yourself you will find yourself more connected and grounded to the physical than your innerworld. And honestly, I think learning more about the mind can help you understand what you’re going through and how to get through it as a whole. Psychology teaches alot of things about the mind I’m sure you’ve learned already, so maybe you will find you enjoy studying about the mind. Through my experiences I’ve learned alot about it that I wouldn’t have ever known without exploring. There is so much to the mind that we need to know if we truly want to take our steps forward as a civilization, without it I think we are doomed and will never progress. Just, try to find what interests you about psychology the most, maybe it will help you. After all it sounds like you’re more interested in the mind rather than the body, so if you’re not interested in happiness, maybe you’re interested in understanding it? Imagination is a part of your mind, you are growing pathways by trying to explore it, that is why your are so good with with imagination. (.-.) You have a skill that is on the inside and can be incorporated to the outside. The more you learn the more you can understand how the brain works and what it can do. And you will learn that in psychology.

If I’m to be honest, I am not very good with innerworlds. I may be disconnected from reality but we rarely use innerworlds to escape, though we are trying to build world’s. We are just more in tune with stuff like TV and drawing, and I don’t even like the physical world I find not being able to daydream nice stuff to be hell. Usually if I have daydreams they’re day-nightmares that I have to be snapped out of, so I find the concept of a fun fantasy daydream to be really really nice. But I can understand how that can be disctracting, which is why balance is important. Keep all your layers of reality balanced so you can be balanced with yourself :slight_smile:

Maybe our reply is not helpful but, I really want you to feel better, in however way you try to make yourself feel better. I just want you to know what you have is not all a problem. There’s much more to it than that. There’s so much to it. You have potential, you just need to see it.

(Look up Escapism by Rebecca Sugar)

We are here for you. Love you <3

-X, S, and others of us who were observing

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