An old addiction

Hey guys… Happy New Year! <3
I feel like I’ve been on here way so much these past few months, but I guess that’s ok.

Over the last week or 2, I have fallen back into the trap of an old addiction. Now, people that know me, know that I have been open about my addictions to substances and self-harm, however, this one is something I have NEVER spoken about, not even to the people I’m closest with, or my past therapists.
I don’t feel comfortable enough to disclose what the addiction is, but I need help. It’s been only a short time since this resurfaced, however I’m very much stuck in it as if it’s been something I’ve been in for years. (Yay addictive personality)

I don’t really know what to do, because although I want to kick it, I can’t bring myself to name it to anyone in order for people to actually truly help me. I’ve never been this embarrassed about an addiction - the others I was able to just disclose straight away. This is why I’m just stuck on what to do… I have an incredible therapist, but I don’t even feel comfortable disclosing this to her yet either.

Any advice would be awesome… Thanks guys.

Kayla <3


hi hi :slight_smile: Happy new year!

Would it help you, when you get the urge/before you do the things related/ go to the place where it happens if you took a moment, took some deep breaths, and imagine it has happened? Run through the feelings, and then remember how you felt afterwards?

Was it good? Relaxed? some negative emotions?

Is there a healthier substitute for the thing? Like drawing on arms or mehendi for SH cuts, is there a surrogate behaviour you could use that is less visible/harmful/addicting?

If you’re in a calm frame of mind, can you think back to when it started, what triggered it now?
and what you think you get from it? Is is control, freedom, escape, companionship, peace?

And can you walk away from it before it fully takes you over with the urge? Can you identify a series of thoughts we sometimes can have before the act ? The series of thoughts that so engrained that it makes the behaviour/addiction seem like the only choice? Could you interrupt those thoughts by abruptly doing something else like go outside and take a walk around other people?

Not sure if any of this is even close to possible for this particular thing, but thank you for trusting us and sharing here. I know you know we’re here if you’re ever ready.

Be kind to yourself friend :slight_smile: You matter to us all!


Hey there @Kayla

I can really appreciate the vulnerability you are showing even broaching the subject about this addiction.

I’m glad you have a therapist for stuff. What would make it more comfortable to open this dialogue? The therapist is there to help you and if you can imagine they have heard it all over the years. Maybe reframe your point of reference. Would you be embarrassed to go to the dentist because you don’t want them to know you have a cavity?

You have already opened up a sort of dialogue on here, even if you can’t state the exact addiction. You know we are all here for you and want your success. I think it may be a matter of courage and letting yourself feel awkward in order to take this next step forward in getting help.

Maybe consider replacement activity each time the urge to act on the addiction comes up. It could be part of a New Year goal - each time I think about acting on (addiction) I have to do 10 jumping jacks. What has worked in past for you with other addictive behaviors/urges? What are good coping activities for you?

Again want to re-state you have our full support on your journey with this addiction. I hope for you that 2022 will be a great year for recovery and self improvement. Make it a great year <3/Mish


From: twixremix

hi kayla! <3 i’m thankful you can post on the support wall for advice, my friend, and i hope you can find some good support and guidance within everyone’s replies! addiction is a mean beast and it always breaks my heart to know how much it hurts you. i totally understand and respect how you kept this new addiction vague! i would say for this specific addiction, i hope you can find comfort in letting your therapist know of it when you can so you both can work through it together. she’s there to help you through anything with no judgement. the even better part is that your discussion with your therapist stays in that room and you both will feel better afterwards knowing there’s a solid trust and game plan between y’all. it’ll be hard to begin that discussion with her but even if you have to say “i am embarrassed about this so please help me through it without any judgement.” once you get it out though, you’ll feel more equipped with tools and mindsets to work through this resurfaced addiction. wishing you the best of luck and as always, all my love, kayla. you got this and i believe in you! love, twix


From: listening2day

Consider that your therapist is there to help you. They care about you, yet the wonderful thing about them is they do not hold personal opinions like your average person will. It is also important for them to know as it could help them work through other situations you have discussed with them. So maybe this would be helpful in the long run for you to reveal this. They will understand that it is difficult and also try to help you through that part of it as well and help move past the stuck.



Hi Kayla, I know the struggles of addiction and not with just drugs. I know the shame this can cause and I am so proud of you for trusting us to try and help you. I know that it’s really, really hard to talk about it to your therapist. I totally get that, but if you want help to stop, you have to talk about it. There really isn’t any other way, ya know? You’ve trusted your therapist so far, so let them help you some more :hrtlegolove:


From: eloquentpetrichor

Hello, Kayla! Of course it’s okay that you are using the forum a lot. That’s why it’s here :slight_smile:

This sounds like a tough situation to be in. If this addiction is something you aren’t comfortable talking about yet maybe you could try hinting at it with people or your therapist? Referencing it slightly just to gauge reactions to make you feel a bit more comfortable to maybe admitting you are addicted to it? Maybe that won’t work at all depending on what the addiction is but that’s the only real advice I can think of besides the generic “try to be open”. I wish you luck in kicking this addiction again and in finding a way to talk about it with the people in your life. Stay strong :hrtlegolove:


Hi Kayla
I am glad to see you again here. :slightly_smiling_face: Addictions are never fun. Especially if there are dangerous, however embarasing addictions are a case for themselves. I know what it like to feel ashamed about something. If you think you might be able to handle it on your own seek guidance annonymously on the internet. If not i woul definitely tell your therapist. Start slow and explain to them that this topic is sensitive to you. They are not going to judge you and will try to help you. I hope you will find a way to fight your addiction Kayla. I wish you luck and happiness. :slightly_smiling_face:


also, there’s no addiction that a professional should ever consider too minor, too weird, too uncommon, to address to help someone find a way out of it. Maybe they might be specialized in tat area, but it’s worth seeking relief/tips/tricks from it once you’ve identified it as something you could use some assistance with.

There’s no addiction that you should ever feel you can’t get help with, because it’s too “anything” for someone qualified to deal with.

You’re worthy and you’re brave for all the work you’ve put into this. Wishing you more growth and peace!


Hey @Kayla I’m sorry that you are going through this addiction and that you feel scared to share what it is. Now somethings that help me with breaking out of mine was to avoid the situations that made me feel like I had to do it and being around other people. Another thing that helps me is to do something new as you have to focus on it to actually do it since it’s new. I hope that helped at all and I hope you feel better and are able to get through this.


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