And it is me...once again

I hate this. I hate that I do this every time, and also that I am still here, trust me, I am working on it…

I recently did a wellness check with myself, and guess what the outcome was… I am NOT okay; I am far from it.

I am still here. Why? That is a good question my friend.
I absolutely hate waking up every morning, but what is even worse than that, is the everyday…

For me it is the never being truly happy, the just having better moments, but never real joy. The loneliness and the never ending pain of wanting to live a normal life. The life everyone else lives, a happy and full one. One that has a purpose and is full of friends and loved ones. A life that is worth living and working for.

I do not want to live in my skin anymore. I hate myself. I really do.
I am tired of being me and having no one here to go through it with me.
I have not actively tried to end my life in a long time, but it might as well be worth a shot.

It is not like anyone would care or even notice.
I am so sick of having to keep a straight face and having to act like I am a somewhat functional.

I hate that I cannot cope on a daily basis or that I have to keep trying and trying and fighting for things that come easy to everyone else. I hate that I am so messed up and that I am unlovable.
After all, me not being around anymore would be better for everyone involved.


From: j71s8 (Discord)

Thank you for being here and sharing your time with us. You matter so greatly to us! You are loved! You are cared for! We want to see your life journey be those truly happy moments. Have you talked to any professional like a therapist about this? I know you are feeling that it might be hard, but you are worthy of any help you can get. You are worthy of life, you are worthy of happiness, you are worthy of the other things you discuss. Have you talked to those you trust about this? It might be time to be honest and tell the truth to those around you about what is going on. You are loved! You matter! You are cared for!


From: Night/in/gale (Discord)

Hey there Fiji! Thanks for sharing with us, we’re glad you’re here. You’re still here because you matter, because you are loved and cherished. It’s ok to not be ok. Everyone has their ups and downs in life, what’s important it that you have people around you who can help you through the downs and rejoice with you in the ups. And you have us! If you ever want to talk about it, please feel free to! We will always listen to you. Trust me, people would notice if you were gone and people would be very sad about it. I could suggest, if you haven’t already, to reach out to a professional about it, as they could help you work through these tough times. You do have a purpose, even if you don’t see it yet. No storm lasts forever, and you got this!


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