Anger problems

Hey everyone,

I want to talk about how I feel like that I have anger problems. Where I immediately explode with rage very quickly at a moment’s notice, I have gotten better at controlling my anger over the years, but I still think there needs to be a lot of work. The thing with anger is, I want to control it and use it when I need, I have no issue getting angry and pissed off at people that deserve it, in fact I think it is good. The problem lies when I get pissed at people for small or stupid reasons, which causes me to hurt people close to me. And the other problem is that me getting pissed when people want a reaction out of me or when they are fucking with me as a joke, I wish that I could not let it get to me, now granted, I got really better at it, but it still sucks from time to time.I wish that you guys can help out o this.


Hi @Xavier1
You are not alone in this. Many people struggle with anger issues. It is very good for you and the people around you that you realise that you have a problem. You have already taken the first. Good job :slightly_smiling_face:. I dont ge angry too often but I get annoyed at people pretty easily. I dont explode but I can get cynical and sardonic… That is also not cool and I am trying to work on that. It is good to not hold on to your anger and keep it in but it is laso not good to explode on people… There are ways to express your anger in less destructive ways and trying to learn how to control it better. I am going to post a short video about them. I hope you will find at least some of the things in it useful. Take care. :slightly_smiling_face: Anger Management Techniques - YouTube

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Hey friend, it sounds like you’ve recognised the problem and worked on it a lot, well done!
The thing with anger that makes it difficult is it’s a normal reaction, and it’s okay to feel angry, but as you said it can then hurt other people through our words and actions.
When you say small or stupid reasons, have you learnt your main triggers? From your post it sounds like you’ve recognised a few and that’s amazing.
When emotions are extreme it can be difficult to take a step back and breathe, catching yourself in the moment instead of after. If you’re noticing immediately after, could you write down how your body felt (sweaty, shaking, hands In a fist etc) and what happened to see if you can find triggers? Even if it’s a note in your phone. Then if you feel your body reacting like that you can take a step back before anything escalates. Difficult, I know. The technique of distance, distracting and redirecting your mind is so hard but a really good one once you’ve got yourself knowing what to look out for.


Hi @Xavier1

It’s really hard to control anger when it just comes out of no where and before you know it, things are flying out of your mouth that you don’t mean and it sucks. Happens to me all the time, every single day. Fortunately, my boyfriend understands and never takes things personally. I’m blessed to have someone who gets it.

When I feel that anger build or my insides start to boil, I know I’m triggered. If I can catch myself before I blow, I will go take a five minute break and breathe. Those intense emotions subside after a few minutes if I can distract myself. Just petting my cat and feeling the fur against my hand or even just counting out loud helps.

There are personality disorders that cause anger issues like borderline personality disorder, which I have. Have you ever gone to a counselor or anything like that?

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Hey @Kayleigh.xo ,
I do know my triggers, which is a good thing you know. When I get pissed, I have this feeling of me wanting to explode on someone, like this urge to explode from the inside waiting to get out.

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Hey @Mystrose,

I unfortunately have zero access to professionals, which sucks big time, because you better believe that the moment I get access I’m going to a professional.

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I’m not sure what state you’re in but California has 211 you can call which can connect you with state run programs that might help. I used them to get into therapy awhile back. I’m not sure if you’re in a place to look into something like that or not.

trust me @Mystrose when I tell you,I have zero access to professional help,I legitimately mean it,for granted,things are getting better which will allow me in the future to get some proper help,trust me,when It is available,I will go running to it.

Well, I really hope that you’ll be able to get access asap. I wish I could say something to help more, I haven’t figured it all out yet myself. It sucks really bad. Hang in there.

Hi Xavier1. I hear you. I felt the same conflicting feelings about my anger seeing it as both helpful at times and too much at other times. As you know the problem is the triggers become wider and wider the longer you act on anger. More and more things serve to “use” anger which then becomes a problem. I will say as someone who is older and still working on ways to “manage” it, a couple of things have worked extremely well. One, acknowledging that my anger was a crutch to protect me. In that when I felt defensive my anger came out so working on developing an inner message of “I’m am safe, I am okay” as trivial as it sounds helps. I also started meditating a lot. Deep breathing, like inhaling for 4 seconds, holding for 7 then exhaling for 8 seconds (5 times) activates the parasympathetic nervous system and sends a message that “everything is okay”. That helps de-escalate the feelings. I’d like to also recommend a book called “Taming the Tiger Within” by Thich Nhat Hanh. It’s about changing our relationship to our emotions (too much to go into here) and I have found it immeasurably helpful. It’s not a quick fix but with time it gets better. Hope any of that is helpful. I’m rooting for you!

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Hey Xavier1,

EsRivs responded to your post on our livestream today with some amazing words of support and encouragement!

Here is a link to the video so you can see her reply as well,


Hey Xavier,

You know that I am so similar to you with this struggle too and over the time we have chatted I feel we have helped each other out a bit. Or at the very least , I like to know I’m not the only one.

Have you heard of CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) ? I have started it myself and althou it’s not made much changed yet, I had have some good results a few times .
It takes alot of practice and my god I need so much more.

I have found an anger diary has helped me a little. In the moment if you get a chance just right /type in your phone the anger , what triggered it , the warning signs , how you responded and the outcome .
It calmed me quick and was surprisingly effective. Even though I was super sceptical of it .

Just being aware of this as maybe a problem is super amazing of you and a step in the right direction. So good for you , I’m super proud and I hope things work out ok for you. Your strong and so kind :muscle: you got this !

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Oh yeah! I totally forgot about this. Another shoot off of CBT (which is awesome) is DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy), which was designed originally to treat borderline personality disorder, but it’s being used to treat other personality problems that come with other disorders now. I have a workbook that admittedly I fizzled out on about a 3rd into it, but I will work on it again when the time is right. I have learned some good coping skills so far tho.

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Ah this just reminded me of the book Chimp Paradox. Which helped me with my anger in competitive situations. It’s a good book and Im not a book person haha !

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